Jingle Jangle

     

     I have a confession to make. I like to jingle. Some times more than others. I have been wearing bracelets since I took my mother's 2 gold ones at the age of 16. She wore them often when I was in search of magic, so I borrowed hers forever. Now I wear up to 17 on any given hour, and rarely less than 5. Lots of numbers being thrown about I know, but that's another of my favorite subjects for a different day. In the Summer I decorate myself with anklets to enhance my*Jingle Jangle, Here I Am* Cadence. For the last sweltering months I added tiny silver bells to brighten up my song. I frequently find myself listening to the rhythmic notes of my own arrival. It's really quite calming. You would think from the sound of things I like to announce my presence in style, and this is true, but not the real reason behind my musical ways. Perhaps you believe I am trying to hypnotize you into some sort of hazy daze, to lure you to follow my every bidding. Maybe you think I want you to remember me with more than just your eyes and how I make you feel. To elicit a smile only because you first hear the tell tale dingle of my return. I bet you wonder if it's where I keep my super powers, to inspire and delight you long before I even open my mouth to speak. It would be marvelously wonderful if all of this were true, and not just the secondary results from something else quite serious. The reality is, gravity affects me differently on earth. And unless I wear my rings of steel, I may forget to be here in the now, and instead find myself drifting back up to the moon and stars from where I once began.
 In Holy Mindfulness.
Jingle Jangle Dingle
 I am.

~Raven

On a day most Wondrous and New, 

a Beautiful Boy was born into the arms of his Loving Mother. 

His night sky eyes gazed up at her, 

with a Transcendent Peace. 

Only one just arrived from the Spirit World 

could possibly know. 

Smiling down at him, her own softened with joy, 

she held him close,

 and felt his warm breath mix with hers. 

Surrounded by love, he spent his days playing in the sun. 

He learned the stars and the ways of the moon, 

to walk the land in honor. 

His ancestors from all directions, 

watched from beyond, they knew.

This Boy, this Beautiful Boy, 

could not shield himself 

from the woes of the world, 

and the pressing weight of his own shadows. 

This Boy, this Beautiful Boy, 

grew into a strong young man. 

For his friends and family, he showed kindness and courage. 

He shared love, laughter, and waved his fist in the air with bold defiance. 

This Man, this Beautiful Man, 

unable to rise from lasting sorrows. 

This Man, this Beautiful Man, 

could no longer carry the burden of grief. 

And so he chose to leave. 

Now this Mama, this Loving Heartbroken Mama, 

remembers his night sky eyes. 

She knows he is once again filled with a Transcendent Peace. 

Only one just returned to the Spirit World, 

could possibly know.

For Ben,
In Loving Remembrance

~Raven

On a day most Wondrous and New, 

a Beautiful Boy was born into the arms of his Loving Mother. 

His night sky eyes gazed up at her, 

with a Transcendent Peace. 

Only one just arrived from the Spirit World 

could possibly know. 

Smiling down at him, her own softened with joy, 

she held him close,

 and felt his warm breath mix with hers. 

Surrounded by love, he spent his days playing in the sun. 

He learned the stars and the ways of the moon, 

to walk the land in honor. 

His ancestors from all directions, 

watched from beyond, they knew.

This Boy, this Beautiful Boy, 

could not shield himself 

from the woes of the world, 

and the pressing weight of his own shadows. 

This Boy, this Beautiful Boy, 

grew into a strong young man. 

For his friends and family, he showed kindness and courage. 

He shared love, laughter, and waved his fist in the air with bold defiance. 

This Man, this Beautiful Man, 

unable to rise from pressing sorrows. 

This Man, this Beautiful Man, 

could no longer carry the burden of grief. 

And so he chose to leave. 

Now this Mama, this Loving Heartbroken Mama, 

remembers his night sky eyes. 

She knows he is once again filled with a Transcendent Peace. 

Only one just returned to the Spirit World, 

could possibly know.

For Ben, In Loving Remembrance

~Raven

A Full Moon Shines

I think, I feel, I know. All mapped out, I understand what needs to be done to stay on the side of reason. Clear and concise I am. A song plays, a full moon shines, a whisper of scent crosses my mind and suddenly I want to dance without boundaries, to press my heeled boots into the dashboard. To slip my clothes off in the middle of the road. No one around, I answer only to myself. The heat of my words spread across the universe. A torrent of emotions spill from my heart. From zero to ten and back again. I act on whatever inspires passion. To contain myself for the benefit of others, to quench my fire has become impossible. I am everything you never had. Despite inherent reserve. If I feel deeply, you will know. For better or worse, I refuse to hold council behind logical expression. Hear, see, touch. To know me is to feel me. To live my life in its full glory, I gratefully choose these hours of quiet exhaustion and joyful exhilaration. 

I can rest in between.

Life is Short, 

I won't hold back~

Raven  

Power of Words

Words words words. It's how we share the essence of who we are. Words between people create intimacy, friendship, and healing. Even unspoken words, no matter how quiet are still being heard. To exchange thoughts and feelings is an amazing gift we take for granted. I know many who would walk to the ends of the earth to have a chance to talk to a loved one who is no longer here in our physical world. My motto to live without regrets pushes me to express the feelings of my heart.  

Because of time, space or distance, if unable to speak in person we can always write. Back in the day, writing was of great importance. Poems, stories, postcards to my grandparents, it was a normal part of life. In high school I spent much of my time writing friends instead of paying attention. As we walked in the halls we would pass notes complete with stick people drawings and secretly answer them in the next class. It was fun. I have a dusty bunch stashed under the recesses of my bed that still make me smile. Love letters, having a fight letter, break up, make up letters. I have done them all. As a form of healing people are advised to journal a pretend letter, but not actually give it to the person they are upset with. An almost impossible feat for myself. If I have something to say, it has to be out loud. Communication keeps me healthy. I know if I keep things locked in I will pay the physical consequences. This is one of the reasons I have a public blog. 

I find solace in being connected. 

I believe words have immense power. Look to the wizards, Merlin and Harry. They may carry a wand, but the magic needs to be directed somehow other than by a few dramatic waves. Without the words to guide the source there would be nothing but random chaos. 

The world of technology has made it easy to communicate from a distance. I love the ability to reach out to someone special by text and get an immediate response. Writing is my passion, but it has its ups and downs. When it's the only option, I am grateful. The written word can bring people together, but can also be used to keep us apart. I would much rather hear a voice or even better to commune in a soul-to-soul personal way. There is a certain magic when you are face to face that cannot be conveyed by any text or phone call. If you are one who believes words are meaningless then you are not the kind of person I like to spend time with. Trust is the foundation in each exchange. Everything in our world is a form of energy, whether your intent is to love, heal, create or destroy, it begins in your heart and goes forth from your lips. So be mindful when you are out there waving your magic wand. Either you are nothing but a light show...

or setting in motion the creation of something beautiful.

In Written Beauty,
~Raven

Diamonds

The beauty of a woman is unique and completely her own, a combination of soul and grace. The way we perceive ourselves outwardly will inwardly affect how we chart our course. How we think, creates our world. To judge my own appearance, to critique my inner self, to regret my decisions, creates a pain in my heart that is hard not to see when I look in the mirror. Acceptance starts within, no matter how I look, or where my steps have led. 

My life's journey has been in learning to love myself, so I may learn to love others. In the process of experience, from the time we are born until now, it's more than likely we shall forget the beauty of our wholeness. This of course is true for males, but I speak from a female point of view, since it is my specialty;) 

I once heard the saying, "Women should live as if they have diamonds between their legs." I have to smile in agreement. Certainly the stakes would be much higher when it came to romantic choices if we valued our worth to such a degree. We give ourselves away easily depending on self love, and for this we are treated accordingly. We compromise our joy, simply because it's kinder than being alone, or have specific agendas we hope to follow. Security, family, society or religion, obligations, expectations...all can play a role in intimate decisions. I am not claiming either right or wrong, I have my own history, and none of it followed a straight line. I am at a different stage in my life. I am a chameleon, neither young nor old. My eyes look upon the world, all is well, it's only in the measuring where I feel the loss. Compare me to the woman I was a mere decade ago, and you will see the contrast in my appearance. Younger, softer. Compare me in a decade with the woman I will become, and you will see the same. Here between both worlds I am perfect. I am a woman of great value, because I believe it so. Not because of what you feel, or how you see me. I think myself sexy, therefore I am. I smile into the mirror...my eyes have a few lines, I have changed profoundly in other ways, but that's okay. I am beautiful in my sadness, I am beautiful in my joy. Lifting my bracelet covered arms to the fullness of the moon, I tilt my head back. My long hair brushes my naked skin. I sway sensually to a rhythm only I hear. The pulsing in my veins reflects the heat of my deepest wants. My whole being is a treasure. To believe otherwise would be to deny each and every step which brought me to this place under the sky.
I accept, I forgive and I love. Inside and out, 

I am a precious jewel.

In Peace,

~Raven  

Castles made of Sand

"What a bold risk we take when we love so completely."

I wake in silent darkness, somewhere in between the land of dreams and lucid memory. In the misty vision of my subconscious I see myself standing on top a collapsing tower of sand. The sides rapidly break under my feet as I scramble to stay balanced. I finally give up and let myself sink down onto the earth. My eyes drift open as I contemplate the obvious meaning. Growing up on the beaches of California, I spent many long hours building castles made of sand. I knew exactly the kind of texture necessary for strong walls. Too dry, it would crumble. Too wet, it would cave-in. Back and forth to the water's edge, my bucket sloshing, spilling most of its contents at my feet as I ran. The joy of creation superseded any tiredness from toiling under the hot sun. Purely in the moment, my only contemplation was where I would place the next tower and which shell or piece of seaweed would look the nicest. Free and easy I had no one to please but myself. If it didn't work the first time, I would simply rebuild.

I smile as I lay here in the aloneness of my bed. How dramatic to come up with such a vivid expression of how I feel in everyday life. It's not a secret. I know very well where my heart spends much of it's energy. My life is an open book, though you may not be privy to the sexy details, I do not hide behind a wall of protection from many people. I speak, I am open, I release. So why this dream. What am I missing.

The last three years have been a glorious mix of intense love and spoken promises with my best friend and lover. We planned a future together, all was beautiful. Timing and trust are everything in life, and despite our highest intentions, much of what we hoped for came crashing down. The infinite grains now lay scattered at my feet. I see myself in slow motion as I struggle to stand on a tower built not just by myself this time, but by two sets of loving hands. Perhaps we were so caught up in the creating we somehow missed the right amount of ingredients. I always thought love was enough to hold anything together, but without the same commitment it doesn't take much to make it fall apart. My arms grasp in mid air, I look for something to hold on to. Without fail I slip every time. As I lay here in the crumbled remains, I realize at last what I am meant to learn. This lesson has never been in keeping my balance, but in finally allowing myself to fall.

In Lucid Peace,

~Raven