Hope Springs Eternal

Growing up in San Diego, California I hardly noticed the change of seasons.   Endless days of melting sunshine and blue skies were all I ever knew.  Granted I had my mind on other things, weather barely made a difference to how I spent my days.  The only time I truly experienced fall was when we drove up to the   mountains in Julian only 2 hours away, where we would feast on apple pies, and enjoy the  crispness of cold autumn air against our sun drenched skin.   People often ask why I left the West coast to live here on the East, and though I do miss the beaches, I have to say, experiencing the seasons is what I like the best.   Living in New England for the past 20 years has attuned me to the rhythm of life in a way I had never understood before.  Learning to accept each season for its unique charm creates harmony between us and our connection to the natural world.  Being a part of the changing circle of creation, forces us out of our everydayness into something flowing and alive.  Just when we have reached our limit of cold winter days, the warm tendrils of Spring make their way across the land into our hearts, whispering softly of its promised arrival.  Like the finest of connoisseurs, I can feel it coming from miles away.  

 Waking up from our long slumber, sisters and brothers to the trees, bodies stretching up towards the sun, we arrive, rejoicing in our eternal story.  Experiencing both moments of hardship and joy, brought to us on the wings of each new season, strengthens our resolve to live fully and with gratitude.  Knowing underneath this soon to be slushy muddiness, are the miraculous stirrings of new beginnings, wonders never ceasing.  The end of winter echoes a time of letting go, and embracing the balance of prosperity.  Celebrating the gifts of Mother Earth, thawing out any lingering shadows held far too long, reminding our hearts to reach out in Love and Forgiveness.  The symphony of birds outside my window every morning sing to me of dreams created during long winter nights.  Heralding its arrival, robins sent out as tiny ambassadors announce the hopefulness of a new day.

Every season different, from beginning to end, 

renews our Spirit, offering us each a chance to heal and adjust our path.  

Though the days of time move in a continuous circle, 

our footsteps, if we desire, never having to be the same. 

May You Walk In Beauty My Friends, 

In Peace, Raven 

Holding Hands

     My younger son Kai and I were out shopping for birthday presents the other day for his older brother.  I don't often spend time with him alone as my children and I almost always travel together in a pack.  As we walked across the parking lot my natural inclination was to reach out and hold his hand.  Realizing he is soon to be 12, I felt myself pausing before our hands met, asking him if it was okay.  "Sure mom," he said with a grin.  I smiled at him, relieved he felt so comfortable.  I laughingly told him that I have come to a point in my life where I want to hold hands with everybody.  

     When we are little it's easy to grasp on to the loving hand of our caregivers, needing to be guided and safe. Like many parents in the animal kingdom, keeping in close contact with our young is a natural and instinctive response. 

Innocent and free, holding hands with other children without any of the self imposed social barriers is also a normal part of sharing ourselves.  However as we grow older, no longer acting as openly, holding hands becomes something calculated and less casual.  Becoming one of those unspoken social rules in which you can be ostracized by not obeying.  Upsetting as it may feel to a parent, its important to realize this time as a normal period of pulling away, necessary for independence.   Some children go through the process gradually, while others are moved to travel through it much faster. These boundaries for children, can be a natural part of growing up and learning to stand on their own.  

Around this time, fascination with romantic interests often takes place, and adolescents are now dreaming of holding hands in an entirely different and exciting way.   I think we can all remember a time when we stood on this nervous precipice, gathering up the courage to reach across the line of our singleness to take the hand of another.  A world of innocence and magical awareness, unlike any we had ever experienced, found only in the warmth and energy of another human being.  

One to another, palm to palm, fingers entwined.    

As we travel through our many stages of life, the simple act of holding hands can create healing across the lonely distance of separateness, mend broken hearts without saying a word, or simply say I Love You, You are Important to Me.  Hopefully there comes a time for all of us when we are transported back to the innocence of our youth when reaching out to hold someone's hand is done without measuring the cost or implication.  Touching is an important part of life if done with respect and kindness.  Holding hands with another connects us deeply, forming a link ancient in its beginnings.  Reaching out to touch the hand of another is a way to communicate all we might not be able to say with words, or simply as a reminder to our
Strength in Unity.  

Walking across the parking lot with my son's hand gently nestled in mine 

will forever echo in both of our hearts,

 Separately, Standing on our Own, 

Together, We Walk in Love.  

In Beauty & Peace,

Raven

Reflections

  "Seeing the Beauty in Another ~~~ Helps Me to See it In Myself"

I think we often have a picture in our mind's eye about how we may appear to another.  Sometimes I feel a certain way and then happen to glance at myself in the mirror, pleasantly surprised I look better then how I was feeling inside.  Of course this also works in reverse, sometimes I may feel pretty, and once seeing my reflection am disappointed to find I am more then a little off in my illustrious visions.  Unfortunately, we are all under our own delusions, subject to inner reality, loyal only to what we believe to be true about ourselves.

Day to day we change...mood by mood, our self esteem, good and bad feelings, full moons or high tides, all affect our perceptions of appearance.  Others may perceive us far differently then what we may have imagined in our hearts.  Personal worth is very complex.

It is often said how, "Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder."  I believe this to be true.  People are attracted to one another from their own expectations, experiences and preferences.  Everybody has a different concept to what is pleasing.  The more confidence a person has, the more beautiful they will appear.  I can focus on what I don't like about myself, thinking its entirely obvious to anyone looking at me, when really (I hope), no one else is seeing me in the same light.  I've been self-critical my whole life, and have been working on healing from this for a long time.  Passing on the legacy of destructive thinking to my children is not what I desire.  The world of entertainment, gives all of us a reference point we can't possibly meet, making it harder to not compare or judge ourselves.  Growing older for me has just provided more hurtful ammunition.  I know this is an inside job however much I view it from my outside human persona.  

Its not a vanity, more of a self-defeating behavior.  

My cousin came to visit me one holiday several years ago.  She and I are similar in appearance, although a few years younger and with an added expensive glamour giving her an exotic worldly presence.  One morning she awoke and wandered out into my living room.  Looking at her messy hair, no makeup, puffy eyed from being up most of the night visiting with me, she was not her gorgeous best.  However as we chatted I saw her beauty in an entirely different and unfamiliar sense.  Her mannerisms, the way she smiled and talked, her animated grace and earthy vibrancy, her essence and spirit showed through in a way I had never noticed before.  In that moment I felt my eyes were opened.  Maybe, I thought, this is how others view me.  Not as a person to be picked apart, but as an entire being, beautiful in my own unique way.  How wonderful to have this epiphany.  I have been a lot softer towards myself, and others ever since.  

Recently I found a quote by one of my favorite inspirational speakers and authors, Dr.Wayne W. Dyer.  Reading it I was greatly impacted by the value of his words.

"To be attached to your physical appearance is to ensure a lifetime of suffering as you watch your form go through the natural motions that began the moment of your conception."  

Realizing the truth of this statement has been very freeing.

Last weekend, I spent some time with a new group of women.  I enjoyed their company immensely and am blessed to have made their friendships.  What an amazing day we had, laughing and sharing, each one glowing with their own unique beauty.  I know if I were to quietly take any of them aside I would have heard a long list of their perceived imperfections and flaws.   Its a sad wonder how people go through their days blind to the sparkling light and shimmering essentiality shining from each and every one of us.  I am determined to cultivate this new way of being, understanding as I relax within myself, how much easier it will be to see the beauty in others.

My outside appearance is only one part of who I am, and not the totality of my feminine mystique.  If someone chooses to judge me otherwise, its their loss and absolutely not mine.

I like feeling good about my physical self.  I nurture my wellness by positive thinking, exercising and eating healthy foods.  I also enjoy being a 'decorated woman,' fixing my hair, wearing makeup and certain styles of clothing and jewelry are important to me.  Everybody has the choice to express themselves in their own creative fashion.  Accepting myself fully, without judgement or critique, will go a long way towards my inner worth and happiness.  I know these ideas to be true, not only for women, but also for men.  Feeling confident with our outside appearance is always nice, 

Knowing our Beauty shines from the inside out is Magical.  

We are so much more than we Believe.

In Peace and Beautiful Reflections,

Raven

Living In Your Light

     I have a very dear friend who in his younger days had been a Trappist Monk.  I was introduced to him many years later, following his marriage, and having raised four children.  In fact I met him not too long after he lost his house and every one of his material possessions in a fire.   Its been about 8 years since he rebuilt by his own hands, a beautiful new home, where he now lives, peacefully content with his new life.

     Though its not often we see each other, whenever we do, I feel an instant sense of what it must be like to live and walk in Spirit.  There are some people in life who seem to glow with an inner Light so powerful and strong, when in their presence you immediately feel a connection to a Faith beyond measure.  He definitely is one of them.  Always he greets me with a affectionate hug, looks into my eyes and asks, "Are you Living in your Light, are you holding on to your Power?"  

    Over the years I have often considered his words,  In the beginning I would answer yes without much thought.  Wondering, what this question meant.  Doesn't everybody live in their light....as for holding on to my power, of course.  How, or why, would I ever give it away, exactly what was he asking anyways.  "Yes," I would tentatively murmur....

"Good," he would respond, "You stay in Your Light, do not ever give away your Power."  

After a while it became a standard greeting, sometimes with my volunteering the status of my shiny light and power holding ability, without him even having to ask.  Once during a particularly difficult period of my life, I ran into him at a Powwow.  This time after our usual greeting and question, I realized there and then what he had been saying all along.  "No," I said, I am not in my Light."  Without going into details now irrelevant, at the time I felt very defeated, and hopeless.  My heart was heavy, I was scared.  Living in your Light is easy, when Life is good.  Trust, Beauty, Faith, my normal foundation, were hidden under a cloud of my own despair.  Standing there, understanding filled my heart, suddenly I knew.  Looking back to the days, months and years bringing me to this place, I could see all the different times where I had set my Light aside.  Giving the power of my happiness over to someone or something else, letting circumstances build me up, or tear me down, making others responsible for how I felt, allowing fear and negativity to wear at my Spirit.   Discovering all along, my power and light were treasures born to me, forever mine, impossible to lose.  Unfortunately, easy to set aside. 

Giving up myself, or living in darkness was my own illusion.  

Once aware, I became mindful of the different situations when I would begin to feel "less than good inside," or wanting to blame others for where my journey was taking me.  Realizing its my choice to forgive, my choice to heal, and my choice to move onward when a situation no longer is emotionally healthy.  My being happy and feeling peaceful are not dependent on someone else's behavior, its up to me how my days are filled, nobody has control unless I give it to them.  Its my decision.   

 Yes, many things in life are unavoidable, people may not act or treat us the way we feel is right, and some roads are not easy.  I don't constantly remember to 'Walk in Beauty' right away.  Oftentimes I have to retrace my footsteps, hoping with practice, I will learn to recognize a little sooner when to check the switch on my lantern, or recharge my batteries.   

Am I living in my light, am I holding on to my power.  

Yes, but not always, I'm working on it every day.  

Knowing how it is to live both ways, 

as a woman of fine discerning tastes,  

I find I greatly prefer the feeling good way.  

After all, its my choice. 

In Peace,

Raven 

Loneliness

     If you ever looked up the word "lonely" in a dictionary, you would understand how much sadness is linked to this state of being. "Companion less, isolated, bleak, solitary, standing apart, and separate." No wonder I hesitate to use this word as a description for my feelings.  

     I was speaking to someone the other day, a dear friend I have known since I was a teenager, one I am very comfortable with. I was trying to share my feelings...it went something like this. "I think I feel lonely...well, no not lonely...more like..umm alone...kinda lonely..but...well...not really lonely...sorta...but...maybe I do feel lonely sometimes...not always..."
This went on for several rambling minutes
 before I finally gave up and admitted outright,
 I was feeling lonely.

     You would think since it was difficult to confess to my friend, I would take it no further. However being the expressive writer I am compelled to be, I have decided to go all the way and bring it out in the open for everybody. I can't be the only one to experience this emotion. Maybe my sharing will inspire others, or at least help someone know they are not alone... in their loneliness.

     Right now I am sitting next to my wood stove, cozy and warm with my 2 dogs dozing nearby.  My children are gone until tomorrow evening, so unless you count my animal friends, I am alone. If I wanted I could call someone, or reach out into the social world of the Internet where I have many connections. I might later, for now I am content. I pride myself on being independent. I am a self-contained woman, strong in my spiritual beliefs, confident and happy. I enjoy my own company, and have many hobbies I could get lost in. I know how it is to be alone, even when in a relationship.  Believe me when I say I greatly prefer to be here by myself, than to be here with someone
....just because.I am at peace with where I am.

    I have always been careful not to  appear vulnerable. Admitting to feeling lonely almost seems like a weakness. I think this must be some leftover primitive fear from ancient DNA. To be alone in the days of old, more than likely meant a lifetime of hardship and struggle. Most probably an early death. Chances for survival increase by having family close by, or
better yet, a mate to help provide food, shelter and protection.
Even wolves know this to be true. To be in a wolf pack means safety and continuation. In the animal kingdom, lone wolves have difficulty going solo. Used to stalking large prey, they are forced to hunt small animals to survive. Often they continue to live by themselves, becoming stronger and more aggressive, or if lucky, find a different pack to join. Occasionally one will meet up with another lone wolf of the opposite sex and start a family of their own. It's a hard life being single, even for our 4-legged friends.
My feeling lonely, doesn't mean I am without hope, depressed, bitter, angry or weak. Nor does it define my spirituality or way of being. A feeling is just a feeling, not the total essence of who I am. Emotions are temporary and change often. I have options to choose from to feel better. I can reach out to my loved ones, spend time with friends, pray, go for a walk, write, hug my dogs, listen to music, or read a book. My life is full, I have everything I need within myself, I am complete.
One day I will meet up with another Lone~Wolf. Together we will run through the forest of our days, celebrating the Beauty of Life together. I am not worried, nor am I seeking reassurance from any who will be reading this. I am good, all is well. I am blessed to have my own wolf pack, and if sometimes I travel as a lone-wolf, it's okay. I know the rest are not far behind, I don't have to hunt alone.
I have learned a lot about myself since my emotional confession over the phone.
Being Lonely is not a Vulnerability.
Neither is sadness, frustration, disappointment, or any other uncomfortable feeling I may have.
My weakness has never been in admitting to the shadows within myself. It has only been in the pretending they were never there in the first place.
In Peace,
Raven

Being Edgy

   

Usually I navigate life in a peaceful ~ composed manner. I have always been a high energy person, and sometimes it's not so easy to remain calm. When I am able to channel my passions in a good direction I feel serene and right with the world. When I can't seem to maintain my emotional balance, I wake up feeling kind of edgy.  

This is not always a bad thing as I can use this edginess to inspire my choices and make creative decisions. I looked up 'edgy' in the dictionary, and with several definitions to choose from, I found this to be the closest.  

"Reckless, Sensitive, Excitable, Impatient, Keyed Up, Passionate, High-Strung and Fierce."  

The fierce part is my term. One time I actually had a man tell me he wasn't interested in me 'relationship wise' as I wasn't edgy enough. I thought he meant I didn't have enough piercings or wouldn't be able to handle my own in a street fight, which I can't. To this day I'm not quite sure, but it no longer matters. I think this is one of those words which has different meanings to people depending on just how edgy you yourself may be.  

Right now I am definitely feeling a little restless and on edge. Back when I was a younger, wilder version of myself this would often lead to my not making the safest or sanest choices. Although some of my most adventurous stories were born from these moments, leaving me with happy memories and few regrets. Recognizing when I feel this way, I have developed an awareness for where my steps may lead, setting off my alert signals to take heed before I jump impulsively into the turbulent waters of possibilities below. Now a little wiser, I stop and check for the deepest area of the river before plunging in.   

My life would be pretty boring if I tried to change this part of who I am. I have always rebelled against limitations, or someone suggesting I can't do something just because it doesn't work for their belief system. I am content living between these two sides of my personality, 

I like being the peaceful,
 edgy woman I consider myself to be.  

I will say this, I respect people who are clear and honest about their feelings, whether or not I want to hear what they have to say. Life should not be wasted pretending you are someone different, or your romantic stars are in alignment when they are not. I try to live without many self-imposed rules,
 and I greatly value when others do the same.  

Although I may not be ready to get in dive formation, I am perched on the highest rock checking from my advantage point for the safer waters below.  

I believe I have plenty of time to enjoy the view. Circumstances are always changing and I can come back another day. I will know when its my hour of

 passionate recklessness and time to dive in.  

To everybody already splashing around, this will not be the first or last time I will be joining you. Contemplation is good, but getting in and playing is so much more fun.  

Until then......

Perhaps I may get a few more piercings or take up kick boxing, who knows, it might be time for some newness in my fierce life ~~~~~
In Edgy Peace,
Raven

Power of Healing

     This weekend at a New Year's Celebration Powwow, I was inspired by an encounter with two Healers. One female, the other male, each of a different focus, both with similar intent. In the small amount of time I was able to spend with them I learned a great deal, and many of my existing concepts were reinforced.  

I believe we all have the power to heal. Whether we recognize this ability, is a personal choice. For some it seems a natural gift, a calling, for others it appears to be just outside of normal reach. As human beings one of the first things we do when someone becomes hurt, is to place our hands in a comforting position, hopefully transferring through touch some much needed calm. Acting from our spiritual intuition, we understand this to an important step towards making someone feel better.  

Healing comes in many forms. Laying of hands, energy work, prayer, modern medicine, foods, herbal remedy, acupuncture and other practices depending on culture or spiritual beliefs. Having good intentions, and an openness to connect to the Universal Life force is essential. Spending time in nature, breathing in living Beauty, can be a powerful remedy. I think we would be surprised at how many times our body heals unknowing, made whole, without ever having been aware that anything was amiss.

     We experience healing on every level, Physical, Spiritual and Emotional, all three tightly intertwined. What we choose to believe, forgiveness, the quality of food, physical exercise, all combine to influence our state of health. Our body is born with the miraculous capacity to repair and renew. This amazing talent occurs in every cell, minute by minute, at an intricate level too complex to comprehend. We truly are Sacred beings.
Being healthy is more than just feeling right in our body. It's knowing there is a direct stream of Love between our selves and the Creator of the Universe.  

      Any reminder of who I am as a Spiritual being transports me to a place of peace I often forget about in my everyday world, making it easier to embrace the idea of perfect health. Laughter, Music, and the Goodness of Love, both from fellow human beings and animal companions, all serve as a gentle nudge towards the path of acceptance.  

     Since I was young, my dream was to be a Healer. Recently discovering, I am one already.  Manifesting through words, the path of my choices, or the hugs I give to loved ones, hopefully making a positive difference near and far. I know I am blessed by the good deeds, thoughts and prayers of those around me. All these things contribute to my well-being, and I am thankful for my Beautiful Connections.   

This year, I commit to expand my knowledge and search within to understand more about this hidden treasure I feel rising to the surface of my soul. My heart and eyes are open, I am paying attention. For this moment in time, I am eternally grateful to awaken to the awe inspiring gift I have come to realize has been mine... 

and yours... all along.

May we use it Wisely and Often.

In Peace, 

Raven