Like A Fine Wine

 Next month is my birthday. I will be embarking on my last year of a certain decade I need not mention. I have come to a crossroad we all must face, a final choice. Either I spend the next year preparing to age gracefully, with full glory into a new and better version of myself, or I stagger and crawl my way into the beginning of the end. In other words, now is my chance to run, not walk, into my future,

 as a sexy, strong, healthy, all powerful,

 wonderful super woman.

People who know me, or think they do, frequently mention how I seem to be such a peaceful, centered person. The reality is I was born with a high level of energy that is often directed inside, feeding my anxiety, and creating a constant feeling of nervousness. My whole life has been spent in counteracting this inward focus to present my outward exterior of calm. In my infallible wisdom I have come to realize I have been seeing this backwards all along. This energy is also a beautiful creative force in my world, the source of my vibrant joyful self. To get rid of one, I would lose the other. Like Thor, the God of Thunder, I must learn to take these lightning bolts of strain and hurl them away where they will do no harm. All this time I have used the power of my mind to subdue and prevent, however like sweeping a dirt floor it is an exhausting endeavor. I have reached a pinnacle in my journey. To go any further into matters of the soul, I need to direct my attention to the physical expression of my body. 

Yesterday, in the chaos of my thoughts, I came to this conclusion, there is no escape. Positive affirmations, prayers, crossed fingers, can only take me so far. To feel better, to breathe deeply, free from turmoil, I have to run, walk briskly, exercise. I must exert myself way more than I have been. I decided to begin training immediately, starting with endurance and cardio. 

It took a long while to find and dust off appropriate shoes, shove my hair in a pony tail and get myself in perfect running readiness. Determined, I grabbed my older son for encouragement, and out the door we went. I am not a sedentary person, I pride myself on the number of miles I walk, or maybe stroll is a more accurate description. My plan was this, jog slowly, stop every now and then to walk, mostly jog, all the way around the lake where I live, just under 3 miles total. Easy. HAH! 

The reality was quite humbling, somewhat embarrassing, and very different. I set off at a even pace, with the goal of making it to the corner. Wrong! I think it was about 5 house lengths where I realized how terribly out of shape I was. Maybe I needed to warm up a little before I got into my full stride, I thought. Unfortunately, there was no full anything, other than pure exhaustion and a body that suddenly felt heavier and clumsier with each stumble, I mean step. Those beginning one hundred yards turned out to be my finest moments. After that, it became a battle to make it from one brightly colored garbage can to the next. At least they seemed colorful, it might have been all the blood rushing to my head, it's kind of a blur. Thank goodness it was trash pickup, the large cans were much easier to focus on than the small further apart mailboxes I was at first counting. My thoughts had become slightly scattered by the time we reached a mile. Somewhere between a blue sign and someone's work truck, I was now using anything as my starting and stopping points, I think I began to hallucinate. Visions of my being a zombie, instead of the fluid gazelle in my dreams flashed before my eyes. My son asked if I was the kind of person who liked to chat while running. Was he kidding!
  Talk.....I could barely breathe. 

I actually did more walking than jogging, but I did make it all the way around like planned. This morning I woke up somewhat sore, and quite pleased with myself. Now that I have publicly proclaimed my intent, my pride will not let me quit. Tomorrow I will do better. Today I start my sit ups and strength training. Wait and see, I will be in the best shape since my long ago days of being a hula dancer and roller skating 60 miles a week on the Mission Beach boardwalk. My Califonia/New England self is more than ready for this challenge. 

To age like a fine wine is my goal.

Elegant, exotic, lovely, lush, complex and earthy,

with a delightful hint of sweet berries,
 and a smooth supple body.

A Toast to Good Health!

In Beauty May I Run~

Raven