Oak Tree On A Mountain

An Oak tree stands upon a mountain.

No longer growing, its season long since gone.  Roots embedded deep in the ground, upright, it waits.

A man and his wife look out their window, across the land they gaze.  What shall be done with the tree they wonder.  Nothing, they decide.  

The standing one will let them know.

A mother alone, far away, looks off into the distance.  Worry fills her heart.  Winter is coming, times are hard, how will she keep her children warm.  A sigh escapes her lips, too much to think about, isolated in her thoughts she closes her eyes to dream.  

An Oak tree stands upon a mountain.

Years it has survived, the circle of time bringing the gift of life.  His branches open, silently witnessing the miracle of Creation.  Resting in trust, he waits for the prayer to come, already knowing the answer.

A mother alone, whispers words into the wind, speaks of hope to any who will listen.  A man and his wife look out upon their land.  A smile fills their heart.  This is what they have been waiting for.  Nobody is ever alone.

An Oak tree stands upon a mountain.

Grown from a tiny acorn, a young sapling becomes a mighty adult, knowing all along the sacred gift carried within.  Through days of winter, spring, summer and fall he stood.  The passing of years weathering his soul. 

 In Love, patient in Wisdom.

A mother warm by the fire, smiles into the eyes of her children.  Long ago a tree was born, to satisfy a prayer not yet uttered.  Perhaps, she muses, there is so much more then I can see.  Appearing out of nowhere, a wealth of blessings have been in place all along.  The magic of the Oak forever to live in her heart, a reminder of sacred connections, ancient and eternal. 

Far away on a mountain, an acorn nestles in the earth.  

A promise of greatness, a gift of beauty.  

He awaits in Love, patient in Wisdom.  

In Peaceful Gratitude,

~Raven

I Walk The Line

I am ready to leave this path of indecision I have been strolling on for most of my life.  No longer comfortable with walking the line between faith and fear, I am challenged to make a commitment, decide on one or the other.  Versed in both aspects, I consider myself a 'professional worried optimist.'  The irony of it all is that I teach a course to young children and teenagers called, "Walking In Joy,"  where I give instruction on how to stay centered and calm, connected to joy no matter the situation.  A living example, I continue to learn along with my students, adding and subtracting different methods as I progress, or digress, depending on the day.  

My philosophy is based on the power of blessed belief.  I feel strongly what we choose to believe shapes much of our destiny.  Sabotaging us are the rambling considerations of doom and despair we unknowingly engage in, silent mutterings contradicting our highest good.  Fed by a continuous stream of ruminations, subconsciously we author and create an undesirable future by giving up the present.   

The key to success seems to be in practicing mindfulness.  Connecting to our intentions, we center on faith rather than fear, on prayer instead of misfortune.  Once I realize I am focusing on the negative, sending out thoughts of alarm and doubt, I remind myself I have a choice.  Either I can trust all is beautifully well, relaxing in faith, or I can continue to worry, simmering in perpetual uneasiness.  

My desire to be guided by faith is Spiritual, whereas fear is of the world.  More then wishful thinking, its a statement to the Universe proclaiming a belief to a greater meaning behind our existence, our journeys designed by Love, not out of happenstance or the results of accidental chance. 

Faith to me is the ability to see beauty in our steps without knowing the bigger  picture.  Living from a place of stress and emotional exhaustion is a prison of our own making.   Realizing there is nothing to lose but a bad habit, I am ready to stand firmly in my blessings and not let myself be swayed back to the other side.  I like it over here, knowing I am taken care of, breathing in calm, trusting my good.   Practice makes perfect, if I can monitor my thoughts, dwelling on those of grace and abundance, my life will be a reflection of joy.

In the song by Johnny Cash, he sings of Love and his choice to 'Walk the Line.' 

For the purpose of my subject, I choose to think he is expressing commitment to follow the laws of his heart.  Walking the line of his conscious beliefs.

"I keep a close watch on this heart of mine

I keep my eyes wide open all the time

I keep the ends out for the tie that binds

Because you're mine, I walk the line."

Born of free will, only we can decide to follow the songs of our Spirit.

In Conscious Beauty,

~Raven

  

Three O'Clock

     3 O’Clock

My mind is amazingly powerful. I have discovered the magical ability to wake up every morning at exactly 3:00 a.m. Born out of anxiety, presently taking on a life of its own. I have tried many tactics to avoid this rude awakening, despite my body's adamant protest, it appears for now, here to stay. Realizing one can only toss and turn for so long before finally giving in to the inevitable middle of the night contemplation, I try not to fight it anymore.  Making peace in the dark hours on the whereabouts of my journey's destination, I have learned to turn my thoughts towards mindful healing and meditative awareness.

    Perhaps this is my Spirit's way of making sure it’s not neglected. Certainly my hours during the day are filled with a myriad of tasks, spreading myself a trifle thin has become a necessary habit I am trying to break. Having known this for awhile I am doing my utmost best to slow down and savor the beauty in my life,

while also getting the proper rest and nutrition to stay healthy.  

    As youthful and vibrant as I believe I am, burning the candles at both ends will eventually take its toll. My beloved Mama has been telling me to slow down since I was a wild teenager grasping on to every minute of adventure I could find. In Spanish the word is, “Vaga -” definition: restless and wandering. Surprisingly still an accurate description to my mode of operation many years later.

    My intention to age gracefully is being called to task. Unless I make definite changes, one day my outer is not going to match my inner. I will be in for a rude awakening. Therefore I choose to embrace these unexpected hours before dawn, to meditate and reflect, grateful for this gift given generously by my infallible wisdom. Somewhere along the line I may learn the lesson needed and return to the

                       restful deep slumber of an unencumbered serene mind.

Until then I will enjoy these private moments

with myself and the nocturnal animals dancing on my roof.   

In quiet contemplation.

May you Dream, Awake or Asleep,

In Beauty

~Raven    

                                            

Amazing Grace

   Amazing Grace

How amazing to contemplate the intricate

Beauty of the Universe.  

Our lives surrounded by everyday miracles

we often take for granted.   

From the fragrant essence of a flower,

to the perfect synchronicity of body and mind,

breathing in and out,

together, seemingly without effort.  

Lost in a world of struggle,

we see from eyes limited by shadows.  

Judging situations by an endless litany of words,

right, wrong, good, bad.    

Hoping to evade what lies before us

without accepting what truly is.  

Gazing outwardly, denying responsibility

for these life lessons.  

No one desires suffering, yet somehow it comes

despite concerted efforts to hide.   

Leaning into jagged edges,

centered, without judgement.

Choosing not to run,

may be our only saving grace.

Unknown to us

the reasons of how or why.

The masterpiece of our journey

not to be seen in its entirety.

We must trust there is beauty

with every stroke of life's brush.  

For surely the Spirit

so efficiently guiding the Universe,

is also the same energy from

which we are born.

Making our lives as miraculous

as the most perfect flower.

In Peace ~ Raven  

In The Here and Now

In the here and now, I am filled with sorrow.

I don't want this to be happening. 

There is no escaping the circumstances.

Thinking of the steps which led me to this place,
bracing myself against imagined possibilities,

  will only cause more pain.

Hopefully Beauty and Grace await,
always have they been my closest friends.  

My only choice to trust in unseen blessings.

Until their arrival, I rest within the shadows.

Praying for relief, accepting where I am.
~Raven

Becoming Flexible

     My goal is to become flexible in both mind and body.  Having arrived to a certain age I am faced with making a conscious decision.  Either I allow myself to grow stiff, unbending in my beliefs and beloved temple, or I can choose to follow my desire to become gracefully limber, naturally flowing with the river of life.  An obvious conclusion, yet unless practiced on a daily basis, difficult to keep.  

     I have tried several times to start a routine, each being successful for awhile, then slowly falling to the wayside.  This time, I am beginning with a new intention born one day as I was reaching down to touch my toes.  Not just the simple method of fingertips to the floor.  I was trying to mirror the one I found in my yoga book called, "Standing Forward Bend."   The idea is to bend so completely as to touch your head to a point past your knees, representing the ultimate in flexibility for me.  Muscles tight with tension, I labored to move close to my ideal, understanding quickly this would take awhile.    

       A realization came to me as I tried to force my reluctant spine into the image I was holding.  Like a candle in the darkness of my struggle, I became aware of a huge divide between mind and body.  The two at odds, both disinclined to bend in either direction.  Maybe I was lightheaded from being so close to the ground, but in that moment I heard their contention, each insisting to be heard.  Frozen into position, body protesting, mind demanding, I was trapped between adversaries.   Unless an agreement was reached, united we stand, divided we fall, this was not going to be easy.

     My thoughts of dire consequences should I give up, unyielding judgments regarding my ability, worries of perceived limitations.  My physical self inflexible, slowed by unhealthy choices, the passing of years, and weary beliefs.  An inward battle, neither one helping the other. 

     The solution I heard through the pounding in my head, was simply to relax and be quiet.  By releasing tension and allowing myself to breathe between beats, becoming one with the rhythm, rather then trying to hear the whole song at once, I melted.  Removing expectations, mind and body surrendered, rebellion ceased.  Suddenly I became fluid.  Sinking lower to the ground I swear I saw an ant cross by.

     I love it when a lesson finally clicks.  Of course this was not a new concept for me, I used it many times, casually discarded until again stressed and searching for a solution.  Now fully integrated, no longer having to be in conflict to benefit.
I get it, and thankfully I don't need to be in the same position to remember.  

     My mind and body reunited under the holy agreement to which it was born,
no more disagreeing how things should be done.
Focusing my intentions to allow and relax, 

I am able to move easily. 

Everyday I stretch, supple and pliant,
receptive to possibilities.

 Unchained from the boundaries of thoughts and abilities, 

I am one step closer to my freedom. 

In Quiet Beauty I Relax

~Raven    

    

          

       

Ashes to Ashes All Fall Down

     Once upon a time, I frequented countless Grateful Dead concerts. The main vibe was of careless abandon, and relaxed expression. I loved the total freedom. Listening to their awesome music I danced for hours without end. Dressed in my colorful gypsy California way,
barefoot, swaying to the rhythm.  

Connected to my inner flowing mystical woman.   

Nothing came between us ~ The music and I were one.  

    The other morning I discovered a huge bin of CDs deserted by someone on the side of the road.  Nestled among all kinds of old and new were a magical stash of Grateful Dead music.  

I listen and remember~~

  Its one thing to be pleasantly floating at a Dead show, and another to be hearing my favorite songs confined to the depths of my home.  

Emotionally I am not in the best place.   

     'Ashes to ashes all fall down' is blasting thru my room, bouncing off walls, and around my head. Somehow meaning something very different than it used to.  

Over 20 years later and I still don't have it all together. I think the greatest truth we can give our children is the knowledge that ultimately we will never get it completely right. Life has its twists and turns and no matter how positive or wise we are, there are those moments when everything is messed up.

     Today I heard my brother in California almost didn't wake up from a minor surgery. My mother told me this in a shaky voice at the same time sharing how she herself had been kept in an Urgent Medical Center the other night until 1 in the morning. Everybody was fine... Now.  

I sat there with the phone pressed to my ear outside a yard sale trying to absorb the momentum of these happenings. Its funny how something serious is unable to stand on its own. Lonely by itself in the land of worrisome news it seems to grab on to any floating concerns nearby. Sitting there, thinking about the fragility of my beloveds, I am abruptly exhausted by the troubles of my daily existence. I am now consumed with my own struggles. Suddenly I am overwhelmed. Why must these issues coexist and seem to loom out of nowhere. I was feeling peaceful just a few minutes ago. Wasn't I just contemplating whether to buy a barely used rain barrel for a significantly reduced price?

Breathe...its all okay, don't worry.   

Life can be hard sometimes.  

I want so much to be that girl again, eyes drifted closed.  

Indecent, wild and free.  

Dancing without care,  

unencumbered by sorrow or fear.    

Running from my feelings doesn't help, believe me I have tried. For now I stay.  

Writing, thinking, counting my Blessings.  

Eventually I will feel better.    

There is always tomorrow, and I am Gratefully dizzy with my Journey of Beautiful Possibilities. 

~Ultimately I Love the Sacredness of my Life~ 

I Will Get By 

Raven

        

Fly High Free Bird

How many different lives can I experience in this lifetime?
     I grew up in California, and stayed there until my 20's.   Living as a roller skating beach babe was a lot of fun.   The nights were the best.  After a beautiful day in the sunshine, we would wander the sandy ways, bonfires, partying, listening to music, being free mostly.  I loved it all, totally thriving in my element.  However not everything was good, in fact part of the reason I came to New England was to escape unhealthy emotional ties.   My whole life's quest has been to find inner peace.  Living this way, was no longer bringing me serenity, I needed change.  Knowing it was beyond my capabilities to make any where I was, I flew east.   I planned on staying 6 months, a whole life time ago.

     Married, divorced, 3 wonderful children later.  I have a small home of my own.  Living on a lake gives me enough open space where I don't feel trapped, something I value greatly.  My family 3000 miles away, its just myself and the kids.  With no beach around for miles,  I now find solace a midst the trees and rivers.  No longer flying down the boardwalk navigating tourists or wandering with other wild ones, I live at a significantly quieter pace.  My life is all about survival and finding my passions.  I need the balance of both to stay connected, to be at peace.  Some may call this growing up, a natural progression.  

     A lot of this unplanned.  I never had a blueprint for where I was to go.  Pretty much winging it all the way is my choice of travel.   Following my inner instincts and feelings have lead me from one lifetime into another.  Perhaps its in the unknowing where I find my biggest worries and my greatest happiness.  Though I continue to reach for certain goals, mostly I am flying by the seat of my pants.  Living by my own initiative and perceptions has taken me all over the place.  Sometimes I liken myself to a hang glider pilot.  Only by throwing myself off a cliff into thin air, can I find the lift in the turbulence I need to soar.  Frightening sometimes, since I am afraid of heights.  The visibility up here isn't always good, often cloudy, foggy and dark, I have to rely on my other senses to see where I am going.  Most of the time though, its a lot of fun, sort of how I felt back in the days of skating on the boardwalk.  Feeling beautiful and alive, my headphones on, smiling into the sunshine with not a care in the world.   

     Life is a wonderful journey, whether you are walking, skating or flying.  Being at peace, soaring high and free is where I find my joy.  I may not always know where I am going, but my heart has been here before and I trust where I will land.   I think I may have misjudged this journey of mine by breaking it into segments.  Perhaps there is no difference to where I was before or find myself now, comparing outcomes is all subjective.  My way of travel brings me to where I like to be, surrounded by water, the beauty of nature, connected to my loved ones, both near and far.
Freedom to fly as often as I want,  

I like where I am.

A lifetime ago, I was making the same choices.  

The convictions of my inner spirit have always led me to follow the ways of the wind. 

Thank you my friends and loved ones for sharing in my days, 

now please excuse me while I stretch my wings. 

I feel an ocean breeze coming my way~

May you Journey in Beauty

and Peace,

Raven

     

   

A Raven in the City

My boys and I had quite a time in New York City.  Though I like to think of myself as a worldly woman, I was slightly out of my element.  Arriving at the train station in New Haven, I was nervous to find only a machine in which to purchase our tickets.  I had expected live assistance and was not reassured by the lack of human response to my many questions.  Thankfully I figured everything out and was soon seated on the correct train, happy next to the window where I could gaze out at the passing scenery.  

     Lost in thought I enjoyed most of the ride.  Nearing the outskirts, I began to see the refuse and litter of an uncaring society.  Being a zealot of recycling, and a healthy green earth, I was dismayed by the mountains of trash thoughtlessly tossed along the tracks.  Contemplating feelings of doom, we came to a long dark tunnel leading us to our final exit of Grand Central Station.  Reminding me of creepy movies and forgotten nightmares, we traveled through this shadowy underworld where rats, lost souls and a myriad of nameless entities too dreadful to contemplate most assuredly lurked.  I would sooner be lost in a jungle than to find myself wandering, unprotected in this dangerous cement landscape.  

     Upon reaching the city, forced to set my vivid imagination aside, we continued on our adventure.
     Grand Central Station is quite beautiful, a work of art.  If desired, one could spend hours admiring the architecture, the many shops and variety of restaurants.  We arrived 3 hours early for our appointment, and had plenty of time to walk the less then 20 blocks needed to be punctual.  My boys had been asked by a well known modeling agency to come for an interview.  We were excited at the possibilities.  Making sure our backpacks filled with the necessities of travel were closed and tightly strapped, we boldly stepped out of the air conditioned station on to the hot dirty streets of a crazy city. 

 
     Having viewed a map from the comfort of my home, it was easy to find our destination.  Along the way we stopped and had a wonderful meal at one of my favorite missed restaurants from California, 'Baja Fresh.'  Already the energy and money spent was worth it to be enjoying the luxury of delicious Mexican cuisine.  

 Arriving early, we gratefully rested in the air conditioned lobby of the 'New Yorker,' a fancy hotel where we were to have the interview.  Seated on plump leather couches, we waited, reading quietly.  Finally it was time.

 The meeting itself strangely anticlimactic.  Intrigued by their exotic looks, the agents were hopeful of finding the right kinds of opportunities for a successful modeling career.   However, because of their long hair, were hesitant about the amount of choices.  Apparently the more they look like every other male, the better the odds.  Its their uniqueness which makes them who they are, and though hair is only an outward sign, cutting it to be like everyone else does not make sense.  We are not making any changes for now.  As a family who does not often travel the usual beaten path, I am not concerned.  The Universe has always made space for us, and I trust it will continue to do so in a way both special and right for my family.  

     Afterwards we left the hotel with satisfied hearts.  With hours of free time we wandered the streets like tourists, taking pictures, surrounded by thousands of people all doing the same.  Marveling in amazement at the huge skyscrapers, and fantastical animated billboards.  With pounding energy filling every one of our senses, we had the greatest of times!  

    

One of our favorite moments was to stop in Bryant Park, where we watched the chess players casually compete.  A normal day in the life for them, but such a colorful one for us.  Tired from our adventure, by the time we made it back to Grand Central we were more than ready to start our journey home.

     Upon boarding, I was informed there would be no trains heading back to the station from where we had started.  We would be arriving at another station and have to walk only 4.... or so.... blocks, late at night, through unknown terrain, back to the parking garage where I had left my car.  Deciding not to worry,  exhausted, under the florescent lights of the train, we left the city, with memories of a very fulfilling day.
     Two hours later, reaching the station we began our walk back.  Despite simple directions given by a security guard, the boys and I quickly became lost.  Walking down a desolate street at almost 10 o'clock, we realized nothing and everything looked familiar.  Trying not to panic, my eyes searching the darkness for possible threats, I spotted a policeman entering what I soon found out to be a police station.  Fluffing up my hair, free once again to be my flirty self, I walked in and explained our situation.  Before I knew it my boys were tucked into the back seat of a police car, with myself up front, rescued by a very nice officer.  We had been lot further and more turned around then we had imagined, safely escorted to the entrance, we waved goodbye. 

Footsteps echoing in the loud silence, feeling more vulnerable then I had earlier, we entered the empty garage.  With not a soul in sight, and hiding places everywhere, it took a while for us to finally make our way through the twisting turns to spot our car.  Exhaling and happy, we paid for our time through the automated machine, driving underneath the mechanical arm closing behind us, we followed the signs down a steep narrow passage only to find ourselves facing a chain link fence.  We were trapped in the garage.  Swearing I backed up to the top of the incline where I pondered my options of spending the night, curled up in my front seat, or ramming through the metal arm like they do in the movies.  

Looking around I saw a passage blocked by a row of large orange pylons.  Figuring this to be the least dramatic, I got out and moved them.  Taking a detour, going the wrong direction along the twisting one way streets, hoping no one was coming the opposite way, we traveled quite a distance before finally escaping out the entrance.  Stumbling from fatigue an hour later, the children and I home at last to our lake sanctuary.  Tomorrow we would replay every minute of our exciting journey.   For now, falling fast asleep, we were ready to enter the quietness of our dreams.  

In Peace and Safe Adventures

~Raven

     

Welcome To The House of Love

   My children and I have a good life together, we love each other very much.  I used to have a silly song I would sing throughout our house, basically it had one line.  

"Welcome to the house of Love, Welcome to the house of Lovvvvvvvvvvvvvve." 

 It grew on you once you heard it a hundred times.  

     My beginning years were filled with little peace or happiness.  My mother was busy struggling to survive with the four of us, my dad having moved out by the time I was a teenager.  My beloved mama and I are extremely close, always have been.  I love her dearly, although back then we didn't often have the presence of mind to express our feelings.   Thank goodness we are able to now.  My days of youth for myself and my 3 siblings were difficult ones, because of this we didn't always walk in harmony. 

     It amazes me to be in this beautiful circle of life.  To have a chance to heal from my past by creating a joyful existence with my children is a blessing I am entirely grateful for.  My home is filled with all the peace and love I missed as a child, more so than I could have possibly imagined.  I know I am gifted to have such wonderful companions.  With very few minor skirmishes and differences of opinions, my children do not fight, nor do they treat each other, or anybody else, with anything less than kindness and respect.   In many ways we are all growing up together.  I am happily reliving my youth.   

     I have come to realize for every time I choose to treat my children with patience and love, I am healed.  For every time I choose to be frustrated or reactive, I learn to forgive, myself, and others.   There is one thing I know for sure, not everything is black and white.  My parents did the best they could at the time, based on the lessons imprinted on them by their own childhood history.  We are all here to grow, both on a personal level, and just as importantly, on an invisible yet finely tuned Spiritual plane, we are all connected.

     Though responsible for our own actions, I believe my ability to heal and forgive will contribute to the greater good of all my relations.  Past, present and future. The house of Love in which I live, permeates myself and my children, hopefully spreading outwardly in other miraculous circles.
Looking back at the little girl I once was is easier from my new perspective.  I am thankful for my parents, my brother and sisters.  I wouldn't be the person I am now if it wasn't for the Love and Beauty in all of us, even if we weren't able to express it so easily back then.  The spark was there within each of our hearts, giving us a chance to rewrite what was needed, to create who we have now become.  I wish for my children a continuation of the same.
Love heals all things.  Extending forever forward and as far back as our Spirits can remember,
 there is no expiration date for Beauty.
Carrying within us the seeds of despair, passed on by those who came before us, can be a gift if only we would recognize our ability to transform this legacy into something greater than before.  Each generation has a chance to replant gardens from the past, beginning with the healing power of intentions, blossoming under the light of hope for our present and future days.
Been awhile since I sang my song, I am thinking I might start singing it to my children once again.
After all, it's up to them to add another verse,
It was good enough I was able to think up the first line.
Happy Gardening
In Healing Love~
Raven

I Never Cry

     Everybody cries, some people easier than others.  Crying has been a part of our life since the day we were born.  Lots of people try to hold back as if its a sign of weakness, and in some cases it really is.  Tears are not always acceptable, and often used as a clue to whether someone may be emotionally strong enough to survive if things go wrong.  

     Crying can be controlled to a certain extent.  I have stopped myself on numerous occasions when I didn't want to show my feelings, look bad in front of someone, or mess up my mascara.  This is not always easy for me, I am still in training.

     When I was younger and not as practiced, my composure was a lot harder to maintain.   Back in grade school, playing marbles at recess was a big thing.  I happened to be one of the best shooters.  I had the largest collection of Catseyes and Boulders of almost every bright and shiny color imaginable to show for my efforts.  I kept mine in a bag carefully placed in the back of my desk.  One day I reached in to get them and they were gone.  I knew without a doubt who took them.  Two girls who shall remain nameless, Terry and Fatima....grrrrrr.....they were best friends and very tough, I was scared of them but loved my marbles.  I told the teacher and she sent us to the Principal's office.  They of course denied everything while fiercely glaring at me.  I basically sat there and cried, although I may have been able to get out a sentence or two, the details are hazy.  I never did get my treasures back, and to this day I cringe at my inability to express myself back then.  Perhaps this was one of my beginning motivations to becoming a writer.  Writing is a good way to get your feelings out without letting anybody in too close.   I could be crying right now and you would never even know it.  

     Like marbles, tears come in all different colors of the rainbow.  Happy, sad, angry, disappointed,  frustrated, ecstatic, regret, joy.  I think for every emotion we may have there is a special tear that goes along with it.  There is nothing like the overwhelming depth of a feeling and the calming release crying can bring.  I realize this and make sure if I feel the need I allow myself the time and space necessary to heal. 

     Weeping can be a beautiful thing.  My children and I have a good family friend, a 'super macho tough hell raising martial arts' kind of guy.  I found out recently he cries whenever he experiences an Opera.   I look at him differently now, respect him more for being so vulnerably human.  Solitary or in the midst of others, for whatever reason crying softens and frees us from having to remain in a place of emptiness.  Nothing can be accomplished by hiding behind an unyielding wall of self denial. This is what crying is all about, letting down your defenses, not hiding, becoming real.  I believe it was the test for when Pinocchio became a live boy.  

Of course, just like everything in life there is a balance.  

There are many painful tearful moments I do not look forward to, 

but if my time here on earth is mixed up with those Beautiful Joyful tears,

then to me its totally worth it.  

In Heartfelt Peace

~Raven~

Being Female or Why I Love Men

     I love everything about being a woman...not because I don't like men....because I do, very much so.  I just prefer the subtle nuances and obvious talents of being a female.  This is not to say women do not have some of the same characteristics, abilities or attitudes as men.  There is I believe, a distinct and definite boundary setting us apart.  I for one, am happy to be on my side of feminine mystique.   In general, I enjoy the  huge range of possibilities despite being from what some
'poor misguided people' consider to be the weaker sex. 

     I realized very young how to use my femaleness to my advantage.  Once I got my braces off and blossomed in my teenage years, I became really dangerous, to myself and others.  Females have this innate treasure, just by being female.  Its like finding yourself queen of your domain at a very young age, too much power poorly used can be somewhat destructive.  Peasants were rebelling everywhere, and I was almost forced to abdicate my throne.  Thankfully I was able to pull it all together, creating for myself a prosperous Kingdom where I am now free to make my own rules.  

     In the current day and age we find ourselves, there is a blurred line defining what makes a man or a woman.  For the sake of simplicity, and because I am speaking for myself, my lines tend to be more firmly etched.  I love and support the many different aspects of humanity and am not claiming any disrespect for those who live or act otherwise.  My views of what are distinctly male or female have been created from the Realm of my experiences.  You, in your Kingdom, will have your own.

     Sensual ~ Mysterious ~ Graceful  ~ Clever ~ Seductive ~ Beauty ~Strength  ~ Temptress.....
These are all part of every woman's arsenal, along with many others, our ammunition
to use at our disposal as we see fit.

Throughout the ages, women have survived by plying their feminine wiles on the powers that be, mainly men.  An artful dance entwining our paths and bodies together, used strategically to protect our assets, stay alive, and if lucky, eventually insuring our ability to prosper without having to answer to any masculine rule.  Allowing ourselves to Live Independently under the Love and Protection of our male counterparts is a whole different story.  Men are born to be Warriors and Creators, and although I consider myself both, my energy and intention are what separates us, keeping us on definite sides of the monarchy.  

     The other day I was at a friends house with my children.  The owner's dog, a huge 170 lb beast named Cyress, closely resembling a large black bear, was pacing in the next room.  Apparently he had been aggressive most of his life, and in the last year suddenly became friendly.  Warily I sat there, watching him out of the corner of my eye.  In a quick move, which I saw in slow motion, he leaped over the wall of chairs being used as a gate, entering our room.  I believe he came in peace, and maybe for a slice of pizza.  However the gentlemen sitting with us, a 25 year old Marshal didn't ask, without hesitation he jumped immediately to his feet, bellowing out a loud and stern command and hauled hungry sweet dog back into the kitchen before I could even blink.  

     This to me is the Beauty of a Man.  The ability to act assertively, with Precision, Strength and Assurance.  Blessed with the inherent power gifted to them to Love, Protect and Serve, by whatever capacity they are able.   One of the many reasons I so enjoy being a woman is to be a reciprocate of this mighty force.  Interacting with the energy of yin and yang, choosing to yield or stand firm, allowing yourself to use soft or hard effort, are all different aspects of being male or female.  I relish in the differences keeping us apart as we journey through life. Of course teasing and diverting men along the way is one of my favorite pastimes, something I have discovered a natural affinity for and apparently one of my inherent gifts.  

     The fact that a mere woman has the influence to change history, destroy and create empires, or reign over her own Kingdom by the subtle sway of her hips and the wisdom of her heart, is an amazing capability.   Men may rule, but perhaps its time to recognize the much needed Balance of Feminine Spirit.  Without the Queens and Princesses to Charm and Inspire the Males of the World, 

who else will they have to Love, Honor and Serve, except themselves, 

and we all know how boring that would be. 

In Love and Feminine Grace

~Raven

     

    

       

A Glimpse of Time

     Today I caught a glimpse of grace in the flash of a moment while standing in line at a store.  I was thinking of nothing but waiting for my turn, my thoughts flowing aimlessly, unimportant details wandering about in my head.  Florescent lights flickering, people busy all around.  Suddenly and quite clearly, from out of nowhere it seemed, my entire being filled with a deep recognition of truth. 

"This exact moment will never come again."  

     The normalcy of life going on around, totally unremarkable to inspire such a momentous thought is what struck me so vividly at first.  No magical sunsets, no looking into the eyes of my children, no miraculous happenings, nothing but myself in a store.   Almost like being in a black and white dream, abruptly awakened to a world of brilliant vivid color.  This, I thought, is my life right now.  My minutes are slipping by and I am not even paying attention.   Time keeps moving, whether I am doing something meaningful or not.   In my heartbeat I could feel my life slow down to that one exact moment, and it was beautiful.

     "Life is not a dress rehearsal," my mind immediately thought of this saying.  How true it felt.  Being in the Now, Living in the Moment...all these things were going through my head.  This epiphany I had was so much more then my not dwelling in the past, or focusing on the future.  It was about the offering of time we all take for granted.  How many ways can we choose to waste this precious gift.  How often do we grumble and groan, check out of our hearts and heads, letting the hands of each hour drift by without knowing or caring of their passing.  Too numerous I am sure.  Many of us are forcefully awakened in moments of crisis or threat.   Measuring time in this way is usually not our choice.  Wouldn't it be wonderful to walk hand in hand, really knowing the friendship of each flickering instance in our every day lives.  

Before I knew it, I found myself back in my car on my way to the rollerskating rink, listening to the chatter of five happy children.  I put aside quickly my realization in the madness of their chaos, but throughout the day I found my thoughts drifting back to that one divine moment.  I won't let myself forget and slip back into my unconscious wastefulness.  Life is a blessing, not to be measured by our lack of time, but by the very sacredness of each and every breath we are given.  

One of my favorite groups, The Rolling Stones had it right when they sang,

 "Time, is on my side, Yes it is,"

If only we would slow down enough to realize.

In Peace and Awareness

May you Walk in Beauty My Friends

~ Raven ~

Dancing Days are Here Again

During my years as a teenager and up into my late 20's, I didn't have many overwhelming concerns.  Even though I lived on my own and had a job, life was very simple.  My world was a mix of sunshine, parties and following my heart.  I still abide by this same philosophy minus a few parties, along with a sense of grown-up stress I never had before.  Of course I didn't have 3 children to love, and a house I was responsible for, things were very different.   Why is it for many adults, including myself, do we allow ourselves to become completely over burdened by our worries.  I wonder if there is a way to walk thru life, caring and responsible, yet light hearted and free.  I never used to be troubled about things the way I am now.  I find myself reaching for balance, desiring more moments of peace and joy, and less of anxiety and fear.  
Recently, I discovered a picture of myself back in the day, barefoot and laughing, dancing on the beach.  I remember the easy spirited way I used to be, always carefree and vibrant.   Slowly, I am releasing the weight of the world off my shoulders, doing my best to reclaim this lost self of mine, mixing it back in with who I have become.  Embracing and letting go has become my newest philosophy.
There are some happenings in life never to be fully accepted or understood.  I think about a very beautiful young woman I knew for many years, who recently passed away.  Riding on the back of her boyfriend's motorcycle she was hit by a car and killed instantly.  How people endure tragedies and move forward, step by tiny step is a miracle in itself.   Everybody has their own stories of sorrow, becoming part of who we are, never to be the same or forgotten.

Sometimes by studying an older person face, you can see the way time has permanently etched the passing of years.   Easily discerned are the history of days shown for all to see by the depth and direction of every line and crevice.  Contemplative worries, mouths more used to smiles or turned down by frowns.  Our eyes, windows of our soul, show the steps of paths taken, shadowed by sadness and beauty.  No longer easy to hide who you are, or where you have been, the masks we use becoming fragile, thinned out over the space of seasons and not as flexible.  What will my face show when I am an elder, will people see beneath my lines and shadows, knowing also the beauty of my days.
 I hope so.

 I am not discounting the reality of difficulties.  It's what we do with everything which has become my center of attraction.  I know for many life can seem to move from one struggle to the next, finances, health and relationships can be a source of hardship.  I have come to realize the beliefs we choose to follow, and how we either accept or change our destiny is in our own hands.  We all are given the gift of free-will by our Creator.  Ultimately despite outward appearances and wherever we may dwell, how we choose to live from our hearts and actions are our sole responsibility.   

I am tired living as if I must be emotionally prepared for anything that comes my way.  Often I feel like a rabbit running across an open field, my every senses attuned to the possible dangers.  I miss who I used to be.  I choose to believe my loved ones are safe, all is good, trusting by faith in my blessings.  If life becomes difficult or a situation arises, then hopefully I will face it with as much grace and dignity as possible.
 In between rare moments of genuine concerns
I make a new promise to myself.
< To keep my mind and spirit in a place >
of lightness and joy as often as I can
< spinning gracefully in laughter and beauty, >
 Free once again to dance
< on the sandy beaches of my days. >
In the power of embracing and letting go,
I Pray this Blessing for All.
May you Dance in Beauty my Friends
~ In Peace, Raven ~

Power of Prayer <> GRRRRRR

It is only 7 a.m,  I went to sleep at 3 this morning.  Today is the first day of spring.  I welcomed it in last night underneath the brightness of a super full moon, a "parigee", a rare and beautiful occurrence where the moon actually appears bigger and brighter than normal.  I had left yesterday for a powwow with my children with no intentions or thoughts to the evening ahead.  Wanting to be somewhat on time, we departed in a swirl of haste with my scolding ringing in all of our ears about the dawdling being done.  I try to be a patient mother, but alas, I am not always successful.   

I enjoyed seeing my friends, life was proceeding at its normal and usual pace, all was well.  Until, that is, an elder, a healer, walked up to me and very calmly stated I needed to do some seriously needed prayer for my children.  Everything inside me stopped, including my heart and my breathing.  Was there anything wrong in my family he asked, are they well?  My whole being fell into a whirlwind, a tailspin of fear filled my soul.  A part of me managed to step quietly aside and watch as if from afar, grasping to find meaning to what was being said.  I trusted this man, I knew his family and close friends.  I had been invited earlier this day, before the mayhem of my soul, to participate in a sweat lodge ceremony.  Though I had agreed to consider the invitation, in no way was I physically or mentally prepared.  My plans were to go home and relax.  I knew my children would not be interested, I wasn't even going to ask, getting to the powwow itself had been tiresome enough.  All these thoughts flashed rapidly through my brain as I stood out there in the hall processing the possible truth of his words.   I understood I was standing on the edge of a cliff, I could choose to totally dismiss all that was being implied, or I could fall to me knees in a panic.  I chose neither, I waited.  Going to a ceremony out of fear was not going to work for me.  Prayer is never wasted energy, especially when it came to my children.  If I was to take this walk I would do so out of Love.  Quietly I took my children aside, Deven 14, Kai 12, and my daughter Tiana 9.  Briefly I told them it had been suggested we go to a ceremony because our family needed prayer, they didn't have to participate, but would they like to go.  "Sure," they all agreed, "Long as you feed us first, we're starving and unless we eat we are going to need more than prayer to survive."  I laughed at their silliness, fed them, and found myself following my friends on a surprise journey.  

"Nothing in the World, is Stronger than the Prayers of a Mother, where there is fear, there is no Faith."  This had been told to me by the elder before leaving.  These words became my mantra, my focus, my empowerment.  No longer caring about warnings or possibilities.  I immediately turned into a mother grizzly bear, nothing was going to stand in between me and my babies.  Before I knew it, not only was I sitting in the lodge along with my 2 boys across from me, my daughter was waiting outside for her duties as the designated door keeper.  My children had never participated in a sweat lodge ceremony, and it had been about 5 years since I had.  I worried for them in the intense heat, especially my youngest Kai.  Heat and him did not usually go well together.  My eldest son Deven, shielded his brother all his life, it was their way.  Nothing could be done to protect the other from the heat, each on our own, our only protection was the strength of our spirit, and our prayers.  I let my concerns go, and pray I did.  "Healing and protection for my children," over and over, in every way, shape or form, I could say it, feel it, breathe it.  Without thought, without fear, I roared these words to the Universe.... respectfully of course.  After each round I would immediately look across the burning mist covered stones to find my boys, upright and strong, side by side, each powerful in their essence.  My daughter, as young as she is, mature beyond her years, able to handle her duties with a grace and beauty I will always remember. 

We left late, wanting to be home cozy in our beds.  I drove over 2 hours, quietly talking to my babies, reflecting on our journey.  None of us will ever be the same, in a good way.  Personally tested in our hearts, and finding a deeper Spiritual connection then we had ever known.  Whatever path we had been on yesterday morning, my children and I are now on a new one, decided upon by the
Power of Prayer 

"Healing and Protection Surrounds us, and I am Grateful."  

My gift last night was adding to my new belief, the word, "Family."

 "For Nothing is Stronger in the World than the Prayers of a United and Love filled Family."

  Last night my children and I were Blessed under the Brightness and Beauty of a rare full moon, 

what could be more Magical than this.  

In Faith and Healing My Friends,

~Raven~