Being Complete Under the Night Sky

Its hard not to look outside myself for happiness or serenity. Sometimes I feel like I am restlessly waiting for something..anything...to make me feel complete. Most of the time I am at peace with where I am ...what I am doing. I know I am on the right path, I feel good about myself and my life.  There are other times though when I feel almost lost inside. Late at night I go out onto my deck overlooking the lake, I stand there under the vast night sky feeling part of the whole Universe. I have the urge to wake up my children so they can share this time with me. I resist and stand alone, wondering how it would be to have someone by my side sharing these moments. I have had several close relationships throughout my life, and a marriage of 14 years, so I am not a novice when it comes to togetherness. Being in a relationship has never really taken away these feelings..its easy to be alone even when surrounded by others, at least it has been for me. I know the answer lies within rather than without, a lesson I have learned numerous times, yet find myself revisiting often. These days or nights when I feel this way, once I become awake to the growing emptiness, I know what to do. I take a deep breath and release all I have been keeping inside, and I wait. I wait not for someone or something to fill up the vastness of my sorrow, for that in itself is fleeting. No...I wait for my Connection to the Creator of all that Is..my Spirit Essence.. to wrap itself around, and thru me, moving timelessly through every molecule of my Body. I remain there in the silence of Beauty. I am Healed. Life again becomes filled with hope and promise, I stand strong where I am. Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing, and so is being alone. Either way I have all I need. I am complete and always will be.

In Graceful Serenity

~Raven

In the Here and Now

In the present moment, I am filled with sorrow. 

With no easy escape or place to hide.
Unable to move in either direction.
Thinking of steps which led me here,
makes no difference to what has now become.

   Wasn't it yesterday, when everything seemed right.
Perhaps I was dreaming, lost in a fantasy
of how I wanted life to be.
Blind to the unraveling strings of my desire,
trailing behind me for everyone else to see.
  Dancing naked in the belief of promises made
under scattered beams of shifting light.
Surely Beauty and Grace travel near,

always my closest friends,
until their arrival, I rest within shadows.
Praying for relief, accepting where I am.  

My only solace to trust the hidden blessings,
patiently waiting to be revealed.

~Raven

Something More

My friend's mother is slipping away from life. Surrounded by loved ones nestled beside her, whispering soft farewells and speaking of eternal love.
 It's been awhile since I have seen any of them, connected by marriage we missed being close once I was on my own. Divorce affects everybody differently, for whatever reasons, I am sad to say we lost touch. However, one does not need to spend time with another to feel deep affection. I still consider her to be a very dear person in my heart. I have always admired the loving friendship she has with her mother, as I also enjoy the same with my own. The difference is mine woefully lives 3000 miles away making us miss those precious moments, while her mother has been a part of everything her entire life. To witness the two of them together was a lesson in beauty, and one I often reflect upon with happiness. My heart grieves for what her family must be going through. Even thinking about losing my mother sends ribbons of sorrow to every part of my soul. I imagine the pain she is in and feel the echoes of grief from here. Life can be so harsh. For us mere mortals to survive the unacceptable loss of a loved one, we must let go of the black and white reasoning of our human selves, and embrace the 
holiness of other possibilities. 
There must be something more. 

My son shared with me today a quote from a treatise written by Marcus Tullius Cicero,
 a Roman Orator and Philosopher. In it he wrote; 

"Let us cultivate such a disposition as to look on that formidable hour of death as happy for us, though shocking to our friends; and let us never imagine anything to be an evil which is an appointment of the immortal Gods, or of nature, the common parent of all. For it is not by hazard or without design that we have been born and situated as we have. On the contrary, beyond all doubt there is a certain power which consults the happiness of human nature. Let us rather infer that we have a retreat and haven prepared for us."

I love the philosophical vision in his words. I can find the same answer walking through a forest, gazing across starlit skies, or looking into the eyes of my children, but its nice to have it backed up by such a respected Enlightment thinker from ancient times.

Each and everyone of us must face these moments, and unless we live in isolation, it will happen often. I have no doubt it will be worse than I dare contemplate. 
Love is all we have. 
To say goodbye, to let go, seems insurmountable. 

I wish for all of us a moment of grace, to recognize this transition as nothing more than a stepping stone to a haven of endless love. One day we will be reunited, and know the countless miracles behind, ahead, and around us. I believe the human spirit being as it is, must travel this difficult road of joy and sorrow until the lesson of unconditional love has been taught. 
The purpose or reasons may not be clear, but 
I trust in the sacred Beauty of our Soul. 

I am so sorry my dear friend for all your tears. When it's her time, I pray your mother's spirit travels gently and peacefully to arrive into the loving embrace of all those she thought once lost.

Blessings

~Raven  

Just Another Day

Living in Gratitude can be a form of prayer. There are countless moments to be grateful for, even when sometimes it feels otherwise. Mainly, I am thankful for the good health of my children, loved ones and myself. The ultimate starting point. After this I move down the list, beginning with the basics.

Shelter, warmth, good food, a working vehicle, financial security, and my nifty cell phone. All these needs seem crucial to survival as I know it here on modern earth, and not to be taken lightly.  

Next on my list are the essential pleasures, and certainly not in order of appearance. Fancy powwows, breezy days, romantic nights, organic honey, good friends, eating chocolate in bed, and being barefoot in the sun. Those are just a few of my top favorites. I will leave the rest up to your own imaginations.

Lastly I come to the little things in life that one may not always be aware of as blessings. Special treasures, like whipped cream on hot chocolate, birds singing outside my window, missing a traffic jam, or knowing the last place I saw my keys. All these different elements mix together into a delightful blend, creating a joyful balance to my everyday life.

I make a sincere effort to be conscious, mindful of these gifts, yet I am not always successful.    

They...The People of Knowledge and Wisdom...say you can only maintain one feeling at a time. Either we choose to focus on gratitude for what is, 

or concentrate on being miserable for what isn't.

Not many of us have the emotional presence to regulate where our happiness meter is at any given time, certainly not myself. Living between the lines of survival and abundance preoccupies my thoughts, making it easy to get lost in the hills and valleys of my journey. Because of this, I am not always aware of my inner world. It's not until I startle awake as if from a muddled dream do I even begin to recognize the divinity of my days.

An American holiday is soon to be upon us. A tradition...for some...of mindful celebration.

Maybe not for the historical myths on which it is based, then certainly for the wealth of spirit it can create. To be at Peace is to recognize the sacred that lies underneath. Moved by outside influences, we either acknowledge this essential connection, or burrow deep, hiding further from a truth we refuse to believe. 

Thanksgiving is just another day.
It's up to us to make it something Beautiful.
 May you Walk in Prayer 

~Raven      

     

   

         

Everything is Satisfactual

     

"Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now, you are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to someplace else. Your completeness must be understood by you and experienced in your thoughts as your own personal reality." - Wayne Dyer

Waiting for an answer, a loved one, a paycheck, a phone call, a sunny day, or even a sign from above. It seems life can be measured by the amount of time we spend waiting for a certain something to happen, hopefully bringing us peace or the ultimate fulfillment of being complete. The fact is there will always be something else to add to the list of desired outcomes. If we are alive, then we are a moving force, ever changing, in constant motion. Wanting and needing are not politically correct words if you follow the philosophy of living in the present moment. A true believer is taught to choose acceptance and gratitude as a natural state of grace. To be one with what is happening right now, thankful for the many blessings which make up our day. In all honesty as a devout follower, I humbly agree. When I wake up and remind myself to stay mindfully present I feel a sense of happiness that cannot be challenged. Wanting for nothing, waiting for no man. 

     Unless of course, the 'Now' is not a good moment, then it becomes a mad scramble to right myself before I slide down the slippery slope of frustration and longing. It's a hard line to walk for the uninitiated, and even more difficult for those who practice.
Ignorance is not bliss in either case. 

There is nothing wrong in wanting to move forward, waiting for answers, or dreaming of better days to come. I think conflict occurs when one judges the essence of the present moment to be less than something which may or may not occur in the future.
A gentlemen neighbor of mine has been searching for two years for a sign there is more to life than what we see here. It's one thing to have faith in everlasting beauty, it's another to feel the sharp certainty. Both his parents had passed on, and his days had become mired in slow despair. His father gone for 12 years, his mother for two. Everyday he tended their graveside, praying for something to make him feel better. He sought out spiritual advisers for counsel, they told him to wait for a sign, it would come. Giving up hope he began to believe in a beginning and end with definite visible boundaries,
clear and finale. We are born and then we die.
There is nothing more.
One recent afternoon, he made his daily sojourn to the cemetery. On his knees planting flowers, a flicker of movement caught his eye. A Bluebird, a rare sight in New England, landed on the branch of a maple tree he had planted in memory long ago. His mother dearly loved Bluebirds and when alive had made many attempts to invite them to live in her lush gardens, but to no avail. Now before his eyes one serenely gazed down upon him. Could this be the sign he was waiting for. While pondering the significance, another Bluebird appeared and sat nearby. Joyfully my friend watched, grief slowly melting away. As if to make sure he was paying attention, to his utter amazement one of the birds flew down and gently landed on his shoulder. Afraid to move, with tears pouring down, he quietly accepted what he had known all along. Five minutes, or an eternity later, the birds flew away, their message relayed.
I think about this story and smile. Sometimes it seems to take awhile for answers to be revealed, for dreams to come true. Perhaps not always so obvious as to perch on our shoulder, they eventually arrive in some form nonetheless. I believe the truth is actually more amazing than we can comprehend. What if surrounding us is all the Love, Healing, and Peace we long for, patiently waiting for a minute to capture our attention, a moment when we finally open our hearts. Could life be so simple. I think it is, but as complicated, difficult human beings, it is only ourselves which stand in the way. One of these days I am going to surrender to the unending battle I wage within. I will allow myself to fully accept the words of sacred beauty being sung to me from every corner of my world.
Until I make this finale leap of faith, I will pray everyday,
for myself, for all of us.
"May we stop waiting for what is already here,
wanting what has already been given.
 To clearly see what we think is hidden,
to remember, by opening our hearts."

In Beauty May You Fly
~Raven

Like A Fine Wine

 Next month is my birthday. I will be embarking on my last year of a certain decade I need not mention. I have come to a crossroad we all must face, a final choice. Either I spend the next year preparing to age gracefully, with full glory into a new and better version of myself, or I stagger and crawl my way into the beginning of the end. In other words, now is my chance to run, not walk, into my future,

 as a sexy, strong, healthy, all powerful,

 wonderful super woman.

People who know me, or think they do, frequently mention how I seem to be such a peaceful, centered person. The reality is I was born with a high level of energy that is often directed inside, feeding my anxiety, and creating a constant feeling of nervousness. My whole life has been spent in counteracting this inward focus to present my outward exterior of calm. In my infallible wisdom I have come to realize I have been seeing this backwards all along. This energy is also a beautiful creative force in my world, the source of my vibrant joyful self. To get rid of one, I would lose the other. Like Thor, the God of Thunder, I must learn to take these lightning bolts of strain and hurl them away where they will do no harm. All this time I have used the power of my mind to subdue and prevent, however like sweeping a dirt floor it is an exhausting endeavor. I have reached a pinnacle in my journey. To go any further into matters of the soul, I need to direct my attention to the physical expression of my body. 

Yesterday, in the chaos of my thoughts, I came to this conclusion, there is no escape. Positive affirmations, prayers, crossed fingers, can only take me so far. To feel better, to breathe deeply, free from turmoil, I have to run, walk briskly, exercise. I must exert myself way more than I have been. I decided to begin training immediately, starting with endurance and cardio. 

It took a long while to find and dust off appropriate shoes, shove my hair in a pony tail and get myself in perfect running readiness. Determined, I grabbed my older son for encouragement, and out the door we went. I am not a sedentary person, I pride myself on the number of miles I walk, or maybe stroll is a more accurate description. My plan was this, jog slowly, stop every now and then to walk, mostly jog, all the way around the lake where I live, just under 3 miles total. Easy. HAH! 

The reality was quite humbling, somewhat embarrassing, and very different. I set off at a even pace, with the goal of making it to the corner. Wrong! I think it was about 5 house lengths where I realized how terribly out of shape I was. Maybe I needed to warm up a little before I got into my full stride, I thought. Unfortunately, there was no full anything, other than pure exhaustion and a body that suddenly felt heavier and clumsier with each stumble, I mean step. Those beginning one hundred yards turned out to be my finest moments. After that, it became a battle to make it from one brightly colored garbage can to the next. At least they seemed colorful, it might have been all the blood rushing to my head, it's kind of a blur. Thank goodness it was trash pickup, the large cans were much easier to focus on than the small further apart mailboxes I was at first counting. My thoughts had become slightly scattered by the time we reached a mile. Somewhere between a blue sign and someone's work truck, I was now using anything as my starting and stopping points, I think I began to hallucinate. Visions of my being a zombie, instead of the fluid gazelle in my dreams flashed before my eyes. My son asked if I was the kind of person who liked to chat while running. Was he kidding!
  Talk.....I could barely breathe. 

I actually did more walking than jogging, but I did make it all the way around like planned. This morning I woke up somewhat sore, and quite pleased with myself. Now that I have publicly proclaimed my intent, my pride will not let me quit. Tomorrow I will do better. Today I start my sit ups and strength training. Wait and see, I will be in the best shape since my long ago days of being a hula dancer and roller skating 60 miles a week on the Mission Beach boardwalk. My Califonia/New England self is more than ready for this challenge. 

To age like a fine wine is my goal.

Elegant, exotic, lovely, lush, complex and earthy,

with a delightful hint of sweet berries,
 and a smooth supple body.

A Toast to Good Health!

In Beauty May I Run~

Raven

Mead ~ Botanical Perfume

I was fortunate to be able to sample a delicious botanical perfume made by an amazing Artisan Herbalist.  Here is the link if you are interested. http://www.poppyswap.com/detail.asp?id=3511&n=MEAD-Botanical-Perfume-for-Hopeless-Romantics

When I am able, I am going to purchase one of everything she makes!  The following is my review ~ I hope you enjoy....I know I did :)

~Mead~

Botanical Perfume

My bracelets sound softly in the silence. My lover looks at me with a smile. I wonder at my shyness though we have done this a hundred times before. The musical tinkling interrupts my reflections. I remember who I am and saunter slowly to where he waits.  The perfumed essence of my body entices me to stop and run my hands lightly, stroking the warm silkiness of my skin. His muscles tense, patiently he watches. In the shadows our eyes meet, both of us knowing there is no turning back. I move closer as he reaches out to follow the scented path my fingers leave behind.

Up before sunrise, I gently kiss my lover goodbye. Perhaps he feels the touch of my lips in his dreams. A long day ahead, it will be many hours until my return.  

In early afternoon he calls and tells me to come home. I laugh at the restless edge in his voice, “What have you done, he groans, “The scent of you lingers everywhere, it’s driving me crazy.” He whispers into the phone, “Last night was magic, your fragrance of moonlight and love, a sensual mix of wild mystery, delicious and so beautifully you. I can’t get enough.”

Grinning to myself, I reach into my bag and find my bottle of botanical perfume. I gifted myself this luscious aroma as a special reminder to the beauty of life. I love being a woman, sacred and connected to the earth, following the path of the moon. Most experiences, I have found, are better enjoyed by the senses than the practicality of the mind. With a lusty sigh, I generously anoint myself and begin searching for my keys.  

~Raven~