I Never Cry

     Everybody cries, some people easier than others.  Crying has been a part of our life since the day we were born.  Lots of people try to hold back as if its a sign of weakness, and in some cases it really is.  Tears are not always acceptable, and often used as a clue to whether someone may be emotionally strong enough to survive if things go wrong.  

     Crying can be controlled to a certain extent.  I have stopped myself on numerous occasions when I didn't want to show my feelings, look bad in front of someone, or mess up my mascara.  This is not always easy for me, I am still in training.

     When I was younger and not as practiced, my composure was a lot harder to maintain.   Back in grade school, playing marbles at recess was a big thing.  I happened to be one of the best shooters.  I had the largest collection of Catseyes and Boulders of almost every bright and shiny color imaginable to show for my efforts.  I kept mine in a bag carefully placed in the back of my desk.  One day I reached in to get them and they were gone.  I knew without a doubt who took them.  Two girls who shall remain nameless, Terry and Fatima....grrrrrr.....they were best friends and very tough, I was scared of them but loved my marbles.  I told the teacher and she sent us to the Principal's office.  They of course denied everything while fiercely glaring at me.  I basically sat there and cried, although I may have been able to get out a sentence or two, the details are hazy.  I never did get my treasures back, and to this day I cringe at my inability to express myself back then.  Perhaps this was one of my beginning motivations to becoming a writer.  Writing is a good way to get your feelings out without letting anybody in too close.   I could be crying right now and you would never even know it.  

     Like marbles, tears come in all different colors of the rainbow.  Happy, sad, angry, disappointed,  frustrated, ecstatic, regret, joy.  I think for every emotion we may have there is a special tear that goes along with it.  There is nothing like the overwhelming depth of a feeling and the calming release crying can bring.  I realize this and make sure if I feel the need I allow myself the time and space necessary to heal. 

     Weeping can be a beautiful thing.  My children and I have a good family friend, a 'super macho tough hell raising martial arts' kind of guy.  I found out recently he cries whenever he experiences an Opera.   I look at him differently now, respect him more for being so vulnerably human.  Solitary or in the midst of others, for whatever reason crying softens and frees us from having to remain in a place of emptiness.  Nothing can be accomplished by hiding behind an unyielding wall of self denial. This is what crying is all about, letting down your defenses, not hiding, becoming real.  I believe it was the test for when Pinocchio became a live boy.  

Of course, just like everything in life there is a balance.  

There are many painful tearful moments I do not look forward to, 

but if my time here on earth is mixed up with those Beautiful Joyful tears,

then to me its totally worth it.  

In Heartfelt Peace

~Raven~

Being Female or Why I Love Men

     I love everything about being a woman...not because I don't like men....because I do, very much so.  I just prefer the subtle nuances and obvious talents of being a female.  This is not to say women do not have some of the same characteristics, abilities or attitudes as men.  There is I believe, a distinct and definite boundary setting us apart.  I for one, am happy to be on my side of feminine mystique.   In general, I enjoy the  huge range of possibilities despite being from what some
'poor misguided people' consider to be the weaker sex. 

     I realized very young how to use my femaleness to my advantage.  Once I got my braces off and blossomed in my teenage years, I became really dangerous, to myself and others.  Females have this innate treasure, just by being female.  Its like finding yourself queen of your domain at a very young age, too much power poorly used can be somewhat destructive.  Peasants were rebelling everywhere, and I was almost forced to abdicate my throne.  Thankfully I was able to pull it all together, creating for myself a prosperous Kingdom where I am now free to make my own rules.  

     In the current day and age we find ourselves, there is a blurred line defining what makes a man or a woman.  For the sake of simplicity, and because I am speaking for myself, my lines tend to be more firmly etched.  I love and support the many different aspects of humanity and am not claiming any disrespect for those who live or act otherwise.  My views of what are distinctly male or female have been created from the Realm of my experiences.  You, in your Kingdom, will have your own.

     Sensual ~ Mysterious ~ Graceful  ~ Clever ~ Seductive ~ Beauty ~Strength  ~ Temptress.....
These are all part of every woman's arsenal, along with many others, our ammunition
to use at our disposal as we see fit.

Throughout the ages, women have survived by plying their feminine wiles on the powers that be, mainly men.  An artful dance entwining our paths and bodies together, used strategically to protect our assets, stay alive, and if lucky, eventually insuring our ability to prosper without having to answer to any masculine rule.  Allowing ourselves to Live Independently under the Love and Protection of our male counterparts is a whole different story.  Men are born to be Warriors and Creators, and although I consider myself both, my energy and intention are what separates us, keeping us on definite sides of the monarchy.  

     The other day I was at a friends house with my children.  The owner's dog, a huge 170 lb beast named Cyress, closely resembling a large black bear, was pacing in the next room.  Apparently he had been aggressive most of his life, and in the last year suddenly became friendly.  Warily I sat there, watching him out of the corner of my eye.  In a quick move, which I saw in slow motion, he leaped over the wall of chairs being used as a gate, entering our room.  I believe he came in peace, and maybe for a slice of pizza.  However the gentlemen sitting with us, a 25 year old Marshal didn't ask, without hesitation he jumped immediately to his feet, bellowing out a loud and stern command and hauled hungry sweet dog back into the kitchen before I could even blink.  

     This to me is the Beauty of a Man.  The ability to act assertively, with Precision, Strength and Assurance.  Blessed with the inherent power gifted to them to Love, Protect and Serve, by whatever capacity they are able.   One of the many reasons I so enjoy being a woman is to be a reciprocate of this mighty force.  Interacting with the energy of yin and yang, choosing to yield or stand firm, allowing yourself to use soft or hard effort, are all different aspects of being male or female.  I relish in the differences keeping us apart as we journey through life. Of course teasing and diverting men along the way is one of my favorite pastimes, something I have discovered a natural affinity for and apparently one of my inherent gifts.  

     The fact that a mere woman has the influence to change history, destroy and create empires, or reign over her own Kingdom by the subtle sway of her hips and the wisdom of her heart, is an amazing capability.   Men may rule, but perhaps its time to recognize the much needed Balance of Feminine Spirit.  Without the Queens and Princesses to Charm and Inspire the Males of the World, 

who else will they have to Love, Honor and Serve, except themselves, 

and we all know how boring that would be. 

In Love and Feminine Grace

~Raven