Everybody cries, some people easier than others. Crying has been a part of our life since the day we were born. Lots of people try to hold back as if its a sign of weakness, and in some cases it really is. Tears are not always acceptable, and often used as a clue to whether someone may be emotionally strong enough to survive if things go wrong.
Crying can be controlled to a certain extent. I have stopped myself on numerous occasions when I didn't want to show my feelings, look bad in front of someone, or mess up my mascara. This is not always easy for me, I am still in training.
When I was younger and not as practiced, my composure was a lot harder to maintain. Back in grade school, playing marbles at recess was a big thing. I happened to be one of the best shooters. I had the largest collection of Catseyes and Boulders of almost every bright and shiny color imaginable to show for my efforts. I kept mine in a bag carefully placed in the back of my desk. One day I reached in to get them and they were gone. I knew without a doubt who took them. Two girls who shall remain nameless, Terry and Fatima....grrrrrr.....they were best friends and very tough, I was scared of them but loved my marbles. I told the teacher and she sent us to the Principal's office. They of course denied everything while fiercely glaring at me. I basically sat there and cried, although I may have been able to get out a sentence or two, the details are hazy. I never did get my treasures back, and to this day I cringe at my inability to express myself back then. Perhaps this was one of my beginning motivations to becoming a writer. Writing is a good way to get your feelings out without letting anybody in too close. I could be crying right now and you would never even know it.
Like marbles, tears come in all different colors of the rainbow. Happy, sad, angry, disappointed, frustrated, ecstatic, regret, joy. I think for every emotion we may have there is a special tear that goes along with it. There is nothing like the overwhelming depth of a feeling and the calming release crying can bring. I realize this and make sure if I feel the need I allow myself the time and space necessary to heal.
Weeping can be a beautiful thing. My children and I have a good family friend, a 'super macho tough hell raising martial arts' kind of guy. I found out recently he cries whenever he experiences an Opera. I look at him differently now, respect him more for being so vulnerably human. Solitary or in the midst of others, for whatever reason crying softens and frees us from having to remain in a place of emptiness. Nothing can be accomplished by hiding behind an unyielding wall of self denial. This is what crying is all about, letting down your defenses, not hiding, becoming real. I believe it was the test for when Pinocchio became a live boy.
Of course, just like everything in life there is a balance.
There are many painful tearful moments I do not look forward to,
but if my time here on earth is mixed up with those Beautiful Joyful tears,
then to me its totally worth it.
In Heartfelt Peace
~Raven~
