Holding Hands

     My younger son Kai and I were out shopping for birthday presents the other day for his older brother.  I don't often spend time with him alone as my children and I almost always travel together in a pack.  As we walked across the parking lot my natural inclination was to reach out and hold his hand.  Realizing he is soon to be 12, I felt myself pausing before our hands met, asking him if it was okay.  "Sure mom," he said with a grin.  I smiled at him, relieved he felt so comfortable.  I laughingly told him that I have come to a point in my life where I want to hold hands with everybody.  

     When we are little it's easy to grasp on to the loving hand of our caregivers, needing to be guided and safe. Like many parents in the animal kingdom, keeping in close contact with our young is a natural and instinctive response. 

Innocent and free, holding hands with other children without any of the self imposed social barriers is also a normal part of sharing ourselves.  However as we grow older, no longer acting as openly, holding hands becomes something calculated and less casual.  Becoming one of those unspoken social rules in which you can be ostracized by not obeying.  Upsetting as it may feel to a parent, its important to realize this time as a normal period of pulling away, necessary for independence.   Some children go through the process gradually, while others are moved to travel through it much faster. These boundaries for children, can be a natural part of growing up and learning to stand on their own.  

Around this time, fascination with romantic interests often takes place, and adolescents are now dreaming of holding hands in an entirely different and exciting way.   I think we can all remember a time when we stood on this nervous precipice, gathering up the courage to reach across the line of our singleness to take the hand of another.  A world of innocence and magical awareness, unlike any we had ever experienced, found only in the warmth and energy of another human being.  

One to another, palm to palm, fingers entwined.    

As we travel through our many stages of life, the simple act of holding hands can create healing across the lonely distance of separateness, mend broken hearts without saying a word, or simply say I Love You, You are Important to Me.  Hopefully there comes a time for all of us when we are transported back to the innocence of our youth when reaching out to hold someone's hand is done without measuring the cost or implication.  Touching is an important part of life if done with respect and kindness.  Holding hands with another connects us deeply, forming a link ancient in its beginnings.  Reaching out to touch the hand of another is a way to communicate all we might not be able to say with words, or simply as a reminder to our
Strength in Unity.  

Walking across the parking lot with my son's hand gently nestled in mine 

will forever echo in both of our hearts,

 Separately, Standing on our Own, 

Together, We Walk in Love.  

In Beauty & Peace,

Raven

Reflections

  "Seeing the Beauty in Another ~~~ Helps Me to See it In Myself"

I think we often have a picture in our mind's eye about how we may appear to another.  Sometimes I feel a certain way and then happen to glance at myself in the mirror, pleasantly surprised I look better then how I was feeling inside.  Of course this also works in reverse, sometimes I may feel pretty, and once seeing my reflection am disappointed to find I am more then a little off in my illustrious visions.  Unfortunately, we are all under our own delusions, subject to inner reality, loyal only to what we believe to be true about ourselves.

Day to day we change...mood by mood, our self esteem, good and bad feelings, full moons or high tides, all affect our perceptions of appearance.  Others may perceive us far differently then what we may have imagined in our hearts.  Personal worth is very complex.

It is often said how, "Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder."  I believe this to be true.  People are attracted to one another from their own expectations, experiences and preferences.  Everybody has a different concept to what is pleasing.  The more confidence a person has, the more beautiful they will appear.  I can focus on what I don't like about myself, thinking its entirely obvious to anyone looking at me, when really (I hope), no one else is seeing me in the same light.  I've been self-critical my whole life, and have been working on healing from this for a long time.  Passing on the legacy of destructive thinking to my children is not what I desire.  The world of entertainment, gives all of us a reference point we can't possibly meet, making it harder to not compare or judge ourselves.  Growing older for me has just provided more hurtful ammunition.  I know this is an inside job however much I view it from my outside human persona.  

Its not a vanity, more of a self-defeating behavior.  

My cousin came to visit me one holiday several years ago.  She and I are similar in appearance, although a few years younger and with an added expensive glamour giving her an exotic worldly presence.  One morning she awoke and wandered out into my living room.  Looking at her messy hair, no makeup, puffy eyed from being up most of the night visiting with me, she was not her gorgeous best.  However as we chatted I saw her beauty in an entirely different and unfamiliar sense.  Her mannerisms, the way she smiled and talked, her animated grace and earthy vibrancy, her essence and spirit showed through in a way I had never noticed before.  In that moment I felt my eyes were opened.  Maybe, I thought, this is how others view me.  Not as a person to be picked apart, but as an entire being, beautiful in my own unique way.  How wonderful to have this epiphany.  I have been a lot softer towards myself, and others ever since.  

Recently I found a quote by one of my favorite inspirational speakers and authors, Dr.Wayne W. Dyer.  Reading it I was greatly impacted by the value of his words.

"To be attached to your physical appearance is to ensure a lifetime of suffering as you watch your form go through the natural motions that began the moment of your conception."  

Realizing the truth of this statement has been very freeing.

Last weekend, I spent some time with a new group of women.  I enjoyed their company immensely and am blessed to have made their friendships.  What an amazing day we had, laughing and sharing, each one glowing with their own unique beauty.  I know if I were to quietly take any of them aside I would have heard a long list of their perceived imperfections and flaws.   Its a sad wonder how people go through their days blind to the sparkling light and shimmering essentiality shining from each and every one of us.  I am determined to cultivate this new way of being, understanding as I relax within myself, how much easier it will be to see the beauty in others.

My outside appearance is only one part of who I am, and not the totality of my feminine mystique.  If someone chooses to judge me otherwise, its their loss and absolutely not mine.

I like feeling good about my physical self.  I nurture my wellness by positive thinking, exercising and eating healthy foods.  I also enjoy being a 'decorated woman,' fixing my hair, wearing makeup and certain styles of clothing and jewelry are important to me.  Everybody has the choice to express themselves in their own creative fashion.  Accepting myself fully, without judgement or critique, will go a long way towards my inner worth and happiness.  I know these ideas to be true, not only for women, but also for men.  Feeling confident with our outside appearance is always nice, 

Knowing our Beauty shines from the inside out is Magical.  

We are so much more than we Believe.

In Peace and Beautiful Reflections,

Raven