Once upon a time, I frequented countless Grateful Dead concerts. The main vibe was of careless abandon, and relaxed expression. I loved the total freedom. Listening to their awesome music I danced for hours without end. Dressed in my colorful gypsy California way,
barefoot, swaying to the rhythm.
barefoot, swaying to the rhythm.
Connected to my inner flowing mystical woman.
Nothing came between us ~ The music and I were one.
The other morning I discovered a huge bin of CDs deserted by someone on the side of the road. Nestled among all kinds of old and new were a magical stash of Grateful Dead music.
I listen and remember~~
Its one thing to be pleasantly floating at a Dead show, and another to be hearing my favorite songs confined to the depths of my home.
Emotionally I am not in the best place.
'Ashes to ashes all fall down' is blasting thru my room, bouncing off walls, and around my head. Somehow meaning something very different than it used to.
Over 20 years later and I still don't have it all together. I think the greatest truth we can give our children is the knowledge that ultimately we will never get it completely right. Life has its twists and turns and no matter how positive or wise we are, there are those moments when everything is messed up.
Today I heard my brother in California almost didn't wake up from a minor surgery. My mother told me this in a shaky voice at the same time sharing how she herself had been kept in an Urgent Medical Center the other night until 1 in the morning. Everybody was fine... Now.
I sat there with the phone pressed to my ear outside a yard sale trying to absorb the momentum of these happenings. Its funny how something serious is unable to stand on its own. Lonely by itself in the land of worrisome news it seems to grab on to any floating concerns nearby. Sitting there, thinking about the fragility of my beloveds, I am abruptly exhausted by the troubles of my daily existence. I am now consumed with my own struggles. Suddenly I am overwhelmed. Why must these issues coexist and seem to loom out of nowhere. I was feeling peaceful just a few minutes ago. Wasn't I just contemplating whether to buy a barely used rain barrel for a significantly reduced price?
Breathe...its all okay, don't worry.
Life can be hard sometimes.
I want so much to be that girl again, eyes drifted closed.
Indecent, wild and free.
Dancing without care,
unencumbered by sorrow or fear.
Running from my feelings doesn't help, believe me I have tried. For now I stay.
Writing, thinking, counting my Blessings.
Eventually I will feel better.
There is always tomorrow, and I am Gratefully dizzy with my Journey of Beautiful Possibilities.
~Ultimately I Love the Sacredness of my Life~
I Will Get By
Raven
