I Have a Healthy Spirit, Mind and Body

     Being physically healthy is one of my main personal goals in life.  As much as I would like to be in total control, I am unable.  I try not to live in fear, constantly worrying about the outcome of every test given.  Because of technology today we are able to monitor our bodies in a way both amazing and fearsome.  I have experienced many losses in my family from cancer, watching the sadness and tragedy, overwhelming in its intensity, as it takes over all.  Seeing a family break open as they lose their mother, my aunt, to breast cancer..and then years after, 2 of her daughters, my cousins, tragically from another type of cancer.  Watching from the outer circle, unable to make sense of the utter destruction and loss to all of us.  

     Now here I am....trying not to react as my body is searched by machines, looking for something not belonging, invading my system like an alien life form.  Preventative care, is a smart thing to do.  Many issues can be taken care of if caught in time, medical science proves itself again and again by early detection.  

     Some people deal with this fear by not going for physical exams, yet the underlying worry follows them into the quiet hours of night.  I choose to go.  Knowing I do not do well with the background of anxiety looming over my shoulder.
I also believe how we Think and what we Trust In, has a huge affect on our bodies.  Filling myself with positive affirmations, monitoring my conscious thoughts to create good feelings, helps me greatly.  I am late this year for my mammogram, in fact I just cancelled my appointment today due to the snowstorm we are having.  I have to internally relax as I have prolonged my wondering.  Last year they found a cyst, after a somewhat simple yet terrifying procedure it was removed and later proved to be nothing serious.  The fear from this time lingers on, causing me excessive worry for my next exam, hence my procrastination.  

     I am a healthy woman, my mother has asked me why I feel so vulnerable within myself.  Maybe its because of what I have seen, or because I have my babies who rely on me.  I am not sure, but I wish I could let it go.  I remember going to visit my aunt and her 5 children one day.  She was very ill from the breast cancer.  I remember the deep sadness in our car from my mother and Nana (grandmother) on the way up.  We were all so young and didn't understand.  I don't remember much of the visit, but I do see a picture in my head as we left.  My aunt sitting quietly in a chair as all her children were gathered around, each touching her, standing as close as they could.  To this day, I cry when I think about this moment in time.  I know I carry this sadness inside.

     I have read how our experiences and feelings live nestled in the tissues of our body.  There are Ceremonies, Ways, Purifications one can do to release them out into the Universe.  Swimming in the river, walking in the woods, Native Healing Traditions, all have contributed to my quest for inner peace.  Our world is filled with frightening "what ifs", and realities.  Its hard to not get caught up in the scariness of it all.  I greatly admire those people who are able to truly stay in the moment, immune to these wasted feelings.  

     For myself I do what I can.  Eating healthy organic foods, exercising, breathing wholeheartedly the beauty and goodness of life.  My spiritual beliefs are what I rely on, praying and believing in the many Blessings my world is filled with.  Writing for me has become a way of dealing with my emotions.  For this reason I have written on this particular subject.
Another way for me to face my worry.
 Another way for me to rise above it.
Now its time to for me to do my morning Sun Salutations, light a candle, burn some sage and
Thank the Great Spirit for all the Love in my Life. 

 I am healthy today and I expect to be healthy tomorrow.  

Thank you my friends for your emotional support by reading my public journal.  

May it Help and Inspire you.  

I wish Blessing upon you All.  

In peace, Raven

In My Monastery

     I need to relax more, I tell myself this all the time. Hang loose, take it easy, chill out....calm down. As a Californian, I am familiar with all the expressions. How does one maintain peaceful serenity in the midst of an emotional world. Good health begins in the mind. I know it would positively influence every living cell in my body.
 To be grounded, to be balanced.
I want it now.
I wish to join a faraway monastery somewhere deep in the mountains of the Himalayas, where I could happily thrive in utmost tranquility. Perhaps after years of contemplation, staring into shimmering sparkles of sunlight touching the clouds of my inner sky, I would be the zen master of my soul.
My ultimate goal is to be so free. Quietly relaxed, having no worries or uncertainty. Trusting ALL is as it should be. Through the years I have tried different ways to get to this place of Nirvana. Without being specific, some methods require a partner or a bottle, while others may not be totally legal (objectively speaking of course). I don't necessarily need to be in a trance, but that can be fun too depending on my choice of travel.
What I desire most is the ability to get there by myself...no help or outside influences, nothing but my incredible super power to remain still and untroubled....
Wherever life takes me. 

    My entire existence has been in search of this Holy Grail, from early childhood until today. I was hoping to have perfected my skills by now. As a writer and teacher of healthy emotional living, it's no surprise I struggle with this issue. Why else would I find it so important.
"Confusion has it's costs."

    There have been many times I entered this place of ancient trust. It's a sweet feeling to dwell in restful sanctuary. Often I arrive by sheer will, which tends to cancel out some of the resulting benefits. Other times I find myself magically seated within halls of serenity. Without having to expend any energy at all, I am.

     My children ask what power I would choose if I were to suddenly find myself a superhero.  Although I would love to fly, or shape shift into any animal, if I could have the gift of absolute quietude, this would be my choice. What's the use of being able to transform into an anxious timber wolf, or a sexy stressed out flying woman in a cape. Having the might to remain collected in the face of heartache, zero checking account, or big issues, like charging Rhino
men from outer space, would be a great shield in times of trouble.  

   Every day I am faced with the decision to accept or fight. Counting blessings, smiling in my heart, being in the now, these are my super powers. I have more strength to create beauty in my world than I realize. We all do.
I am trying to better myself as a woman of enlightenment. For my own sanity and for the sake of humanity, it needs to happen soon. Being a protector is really needed here on Mother Earth. Given the opportunity I would be a Zen Superhero Wolf Woman, able to leap tall buildings with a single bound, spreading calm and serenity wherever I go.
....Possibly even convincing the Rhino men its time to join their own monastery.
~In Almost Peace,
Raven 

  

Land of Dreams

     I like dreaming.  I have always been a lucid, colorful dreamer.  Visions of my inner soul dancing to the sounds of my true desires, moving to the music of my subconscious mind, mysteriously confusing and sometimes quickly gone.   Hidden in the sometimes craziness of my sleeping moments are nuggets of treasures and wisdom I try to hold on to when I awaken.  Somewhere in between fast running tortoises, and walking down familiar streets from years long past, is a message I try to hear, to understand what is being shown to me.  What may be important are the scenes in between the craziness, the words softly spoken from my inner self to my outside self, whispered to me by friendly spirits, ancient beings or traveling friends.
    Always I try to listen.  I see myself flying in the night sky, feel the wind in my hair, the world beneath me as I swiftly soar through a cityscape, brightly lit from below, over mountains and forests covered in moonlight.  My heart free and happy.  A lesson to be learned, a moment of joy to be had, either way I have been blessed.
     Sometimes the darkness follows me, either I fail to get away, bound by the limits of my dream trapped body and mind, or freed by magical strength and power, allowing me to overcome the chains I sometimes feel holding me back in the land of wakefulness.
   Dreaming is a moving force, unique to every individual, a connection to the deeper profound mystery from which we are born.  Pay attention, Listen, Feel, Touch the essence of all that Is.   Remember the secrets, ask for answers unclear in the light of reality, allow yourself to dance amongst the sacred.  To dream is to live outside of what we think we know, exploring what lies beneath the familiar streets of our soul.
Walking in the land of my Visions reminds me I am so much more then my physical self,
 taking me through my journeys by day, traveling with me as I fly by night,
streaming high through the starlit sky,
 gliding gracefully, effortlessly
 on my Raven wings.