Living In Your Light

     I have a very dear friend who in his younger days had been a Trappist Monk.  I was introduced to him many years later, following his marriage, and having raised four children.  In fact I met him not too long after he lost his house and every one of his material possessions in a fire.   Its been about 8 years since he rebuilt by his own hands, a beautiful new home, where he now lives, peacefully content with his new life.

     Though its not often we see each other, whenever we do, I feel an instant sense of what it must be like to live and walk in Spirit.  There are some people in life who seem to glow with an inner Light so powerful and strong, when in their presence you immediately feel a connection to a Faith beyond measure.  He definitely is one of them.  Always he greets me with a affectionate hug, looks into my eyes and asks, "Are you Living in your Light, are you holding on to your Power?"  

    Over the years I have often considered his words,  In the beginning I would answer yes without much thought.  Wondering, what this question meant.  Doesn't everybody live in their light....as for holding on to my power, of course.  How, or why, would I ever give it away, exactly what was he asking anyways.  "Yes," I would tentatively murmur....

"Good," he would respond, "You stay in Your Light, do not ever give away your Power."  

After a while it became a standard greeting, sometimes with my volunteering the status of my shiny light and power holding ability, without him even having to ask.  Once during a particularly difficult period of my life, I ran into him at a Powwow.  This time after our usual greeting and question, I realized there and then what he had been saying all along.  "No," I said, I am not in my Light."  Without going into details now irrelevant, at the time I felt very defeated, and hopeless.  My heart was heavy, I was scared.  Living in your Light is easy, when Life is good.  Trust, Beauty, Faith, my normal foundation, were hidden under a cloud of my own despair.  Standing there, understanding filled my heart, suddenly I knew.  Looking back to the days, months and years bringing me to this place, I could see all the different times where I had set my Light aside.  Giving the power of my happiness over to someone or something else, letting circumstances build me up, or tear me down, making others responsible for how I felt, allowing fear and negativity to wear at my Spirit.   Discovering all along, my power and light were treasures born to me, forever mine, impossible to lose.  Unfortunately, easy to set aside. 

Giving up myself, or living in darkness was my own illusion.  

Once aware, I became mindful of the different situations when I would begin to feel "less than good inside," or wanting to blame others for where my journey was taking me.  Realizing its my choice to forgive, my choice to heal, and my choice to move onward when a situation no longer is emotionally healthy.  My being happy and feeling peaceful are not dependent on someone else's behavior, its up to me how my days are filled, nobody has control unless I give it to them.  Its my decision.   

 Yes, many things in life are unavoidable, people may not act or treat us the way we feel is right, and some roads are not easy.  I don't constantly remember to 'Walk in Beauty' right away.  Oftentimes I have to retrace my footsteps, hoping with practice, I will learn to recognize a little sooner when to check the switch on my lantern, or recharge my batteries.   

Am I living in my light, am I holding on to my power.  

Yes, but not always, I'm working on it every day.  

Knowing how it is to live both ways, 

as a woman of fine discerning tastes,  

I find I greatly prefer the feeling good way.  

After all, its my choice. 

In Peace,

Raven 

Loneliness

     If you ever looked up the word "lonely" in a dictionary, you would understand how much sadness is linked to this state of being. "Companion less, isolated, bleak, solitary, standing apart, and separate." No wonder I hesitate to use this word as a description for my feelings.  

     I was speaking to someone the other day, a dear friend I have known since I was a teenager, one I am very comfortable with. I was trying to share my feelings...it went something like this. "I think I feel lonely...well, no not lonely...more like..umm alone...kinda lonely..but...well...not really lonely...sorta...but...maybe I do feel lonely sometimes...not always..."
This went on for several rambling minutes
 before I finally gave up and admitted outright,
 I was feeling lonely.

     You would think since it was difficult to confess to my friend, I would take it no further. However being the expressive writer I am compelled to be, I have decided to go all the way and bring it out in the open for everybody. I can't be the only one to experience this emotion. Maybe my sharing will inspire others, or at least help someone know they are not alone... in their loneliness.

     Right now I am sitting next to my wood stove, cozy and warm with my 2 dogs dozing nearby.  My children are gone until tomorrow evening, so unless you count my animal friends, I am alone. If I wanted I could call someone, or reach out into the social world of the Internet where I have many connections. I might later, for now I am content. I pride myself on being independent. I am a self-contained woman, strong in my spiritual beliefs, confident and happy. I enjoy my own company, and have many hobbies I could get lost in. I know how it is to be alone, even when in a relationship.  Believe me when I say I greatly prefer to be here by myself, than to be here with someone
....just because.I am at peace with where I am.

    I have always been careful not to  appear vulnerable. Admitting to feeling lonely almost seems like a weakness. I think this must be some leftover primitive fear from ancient DNA. To be alone in the days of old, more than likely meant a lifetime of hardship and struggle. Most probably an early death. Chances for survival increase by having family close by, or
better yet, a mate to help provide food, shelter and protection.
Even wolves know this to be true. To be in a wolf pack means safety and continuation. In the animal kingdom, lone wolves have difficulty going solo. Used to stalking large prey, they are forced to hunt small animals to survive. Often they continue to live by themselves, becoming stronger and more aggressive, or if lucky, find a different pack to join. Occasionally one will meet up with another lone wolf of the opposite sex and start a family of their own. It's a hard life being single, even for our 4-legged friends.
My feeling lonely, doesn't mean I am without hope, depressed, bitter, angry or weak. Nor does it define my spirituality or way of being. A feeling is just a feeling, not the total essence of who I am. Emotions are temporary and change often. I have options to choose from to feel better. I can reach out to my loved ones, spend time with friends, pray, go for a walk, write, hug my dogs, listen to music, or read a book. My life is full, I have everything I need within myself, I am complete.
One day I will meet up with another Lone~Wolf. Together we will run through the forest of our days, celebrating the Beauty of Life together. I am not worried, nor am I seeking reassurance from any who will be reading this. I am good, all is well. I am blessed to have my own wolf pack, and if sometimes I travel as a lone-wolf, it's okay. I know the rest are not far behind, I don't have to hunt alone.
I have learned a lot about myself since my emotional confession over the phone.
Being Lonely is not a Vulnerability.
Neither is sadness, frustration, disappointment, or any other uncomfortable feeling I may have.
My weakness has never been in admitting to the shadows within myself. It has only been in the pretending they were never there in the first place.
In Peace,
Raven

Being Edgy

   

Usually I navigate life in a peaceful ~ composed manner. I have always been a high energy person, and sometimes it's not so easy to remain calm. When I am able to channel my passions in a good direction I feel serene and right with the world. When I can't seem to maintain my emotional balance, I wake up feeling kind of edgy.  

This is not always a bad thing as I can use this edginess to inspire my choices and make creative decisions. I looked up 'edgy' in the dictionary, and with several definitions to choose from, I found this to be the closest.  

"Reckless, Sensitive, Excitable, Impatient, Keyed Up, Passionate, High-Strung and Fierce."  

The fierce part is my term. One time I actually had a man tell me he wasn't interested in me 'relationship wise' as I wasn't edgy enough. I thought he meant I didn't have enough piercings or wouldn't be able to handle my own in a street fight, which I can't. To this day I'm not quite sure, but it no longer matters. I think this is one of those words which has different meanings to people depending on just how edgy you yourself may be.  

Right now I am definitely feeling a little restless and on edge. Back when I was a younger, wilder version of myself this would often lead to my not making the safest or sanest choices. Although some of my most adventurous stories were born from these moments, leaving me with happy memories and few regrets. Recognizing when I feel this way, I have developed an awareness for where my steps may lead, setting off my alert signals to take heed before I jump impulsively into the turbulent waters of possibilities below. Now a little wiser, I stop and check for the deepest area of the river before plunging in.   

My life would be pretty boring if I tried to change this part of who I am. I have always rebelled against limitations, or someone suggesting I can't do something just because it doesn't work for their belief system. I am content living between these two sides of my personality, 

I like being the peaceful,
 edgy woman I consider myself to be.  

I will say this, I respect people who are clear and honest about their feelings, whether or not I want to hear what they have to say. Life should not be wasted pretending you are someone different, or your romantic stars are in alignment when they are not. I try to live without many self-imposed rules,
 and I greatly value when others do the same.  

Although I may not be ready to get in dive formation, I am perched on the highest rock checking from my advantage point for the safer waters below.  

I believe I have plenty of time to enjoy the view. Circumstances are always changing and I can come back another day. I will know when its my hour of

 passionate recklessness and time to dive in.  

To everybody already splashing around, this will not be the first or last time I will be joining you. Contemplation is good, but getting in and playing is so much more fun.  

Until then......

Perhaps I may get a few more piercings or take up kick boxing, who knows, it might be time for some newness in my fierce life ~~~~~
In Edgy Peace,
Raven

Power of Healing

     This weekend at a New Year's Celebration Powwow, I was inspired by an encounter with two Healers. One female, the other male, each of a different focus, both with similar intent. In the small amount of time I was able to spend with them I learned a great deal, and many of my existing concepts were reinforced.  

I believe we all have the power to heal. Whether we recognize this ability, is a personal choice. For some it seems a natural gift, a calling, for others it appears to be just outside of normal reach. As human beings one of the first things we do when someone becomes hurt, is to place our hands in a comforting position, hopefully transferring through touch some much needed calm. Acting from our spiritual intuition, we understand this to an important step towards making someone feel better.  

Healing comes in many forms. Laying of hands, energy work, prayer, modern medicine, foods, herbal remedy, acupuncture and other practices depending on culture or spiritual beliefs. Having good intentions, and an openness to connect to the Universal Life force is essential. Spending time in nature, breathing in living Beauty, can be a powerful remedy. I think we would be surprised at how many times our body heals unknowing, made whole, without ever having been aware that anything was amiss.

     We experience healing on every level, Physical, Spiritual and Emotional, all three tightly intertwined. What we choose to believe, forgiveness, the quality of food, physical exercise, all combine to influence our state of health. Our body is born with the miraculous capacity to repair and renew. This amazing talent occurs in every cell, minute by minute, at an intricate level too complex to comprehend. We truly are Sacred beings.
Being healthy is more than just feeling right in our body. It's knowing there is a direct stream of Love between our selves and the Creator of the Universe.  

      Any reminder of who I am as a Spiritual being transports me to a place of peace I often forget about in my everyday world, making it easier to embrace the idea of perfect health. Laughter, Music, and the Goodness of Love, both from fellow human beings and animal companions, all serve as a gentle nudge towards the path of acceptance.  

     Since I was young, my dream was to be a Healer. Recently discovering, I am one already.  Manifesting through words, the path of my choices, or the hugs I give to loved ones, hopefully making a positive difference near and far. I know I am blessed by the good deeds, thoughts and prayers of those around me. All these things contribute to my well-being, and I am thankful for my Beautiful Connections.   

This year, I commit to expand my knowledge and search within to understand more about this hidden treasure I feel rising to the surface of my soul. My heart and eyes are open, I am paying attention. For this moment in time, I am eternally grateful to awaken to the awe inspiring gift I have come to realize has been mine... 

and yours... all along.

May we use it Wisely and Often.

In Peace, 

Raven