If you ever looked up the word "lonely" in a dictionary, you would understand how much sadness is linked to this state of being. "Companion less, isolated, bleak, solitary, standing apart, and separate." No wonder I hesitate to use this word as a description for my feelings.
I was speaking to someone the other day, a dear friend I have known since I was a teenager, one I am very comfortable with. I was trying to share my feelings...it went something like this. "I think I feel lonely...well, no not lonely...more like..umm alone...kinda lonely..but...well...not really lonely...sorta...but...maybe I do feel lonely sometimes...not always..."
This went on for several rambling minutes
before I finally gave up and admitted outright,
I was feeling lonely.
This went on for several rambling minutes
before I finally gave up and admitted outright,
I was feeling lonely.
You would think since it was difficult to confess to my friend, I would take it no further. However being the expressive writer I am compelled to be, I have decided to go all the way and bring it out in the open for everybody. I can't be the only one to experience this emotion. Maybe my sharing will inspire others, or at least help someone know they are not alone... in their loneliness.
Right now I am sitting next to my wood stove, cozy and warm with my 2 dogs dozing nearby. My children are gone until tomorrow evening, so unless you count my animal friends, I am alone. If I wanted I could call someone, or reach out into the social world of the Internet where I have many connections. I might later, for now I am content. I pride myself on being independent. I am a self-contained woman, strong in my spiritual beliefs, confident and happy. I enjoy my own company, and have many hobbies I could get lost in. I know how it is to be alone, even when in a relationship. Believe me when I say I greatly prefer to be here by myself, than to be here with someone
....just because.I am at peace with where I am.
....just because.I am at peace with where I am.
I have always been careful not to appear vulnerable. Admitting to feeling lonely almost seems like a weakness. I think this must be some leftover primitive fear from ancient DNA. To be alone in the days of old, more than likely meant a lifetime of hardship and struggle. Most probably an early death. Chances for survival increase by having family close by, or
better yet, a mate to help provide food, shelter and protection.
Even wolves know this to be true. To be in a wolf pack means safety and continuation. In the animal kingdom, lone wolves have difficulty going solo. Used to stalking large prey, they are forced to hunt small animals to survive. Often they continue to live by themselves, becoming stronger and more aggressive, or if lucky, find a different pack to join. Occasionally one will meet up with another lone wolf of the opposite sex and start a family of their own. It's a hard life being single, even for our 4-legged friends.
My feeling lonely, doesn't mean I am without hope, depressed, bitter, angry or weak. Nor does it define my spirituality or way of being. A feeling is just a feeling, not the total essence of who I am. Emotions are temporary and change often. I have options to choose from to feel better. I can reach out to my loved ones, spend time with friends, pray, go for a walk, write, hug my dogs, listen to music, or read a book. My life is full, I have everything I need within myself, I am complete.
One day I will meet up with another Lone~Wolf. Together we will run through the forest of our days, celebrating the Beauty of Life together. I am not worried, nor am I seeking reassurance from any who will be reading this. I am good, all is well. I am blessed to have my own wolf pack, and if sometimes I travel as a lone-wolf, it's okay. I know the rest are not far behind, I don't have to hunt alone.
I have learned a lot about myself since my emotional confession over the phone.
Being Lonely is not a Vulnerability.
Neither is sadness, frustration, disappointment, or any other uncomfortable feeling I may have.
My weakness has never been in admitting to the shadows within myself. It has only been in the pretending they were never there in the first place.
In Peace,
Raven
better yet, a mate to help provide food, shelter and protection.
Even wolves know this to be true. To be in a wolf pack means safety and continuation. In the animal kingdom, lone wolves have difficulty going solo. Used to stalking large prey, they are forced to hunt small animals to survive. Often they continue to live by themselves, becoming stronger and more aggressive, or if lucky, find a different pack to join. Occasionally one will meet up with another lone wolf of the opposite sex and start a family of their own. It's a hard life being single, even for our 4-legged friends.
My feeling lonely, doesn't mean I am without hope, depressed, bitter, angry or weak. Nor does it define my spirituality or way of being. A feeling is just a feeling, not the total essence of who I am. Emotions are temporary and change often. I have options to choose from to feel better. I can reach out to my loved ones, spend time with friends, pray, go for a walk, write, hug my dogs, listen to music, or read a book. My life is full, I have everything I need within myself, I am complete.
One day I will meet up with another Lone~Wolf. Together we will run through the forest of our days, celebrating the Beauty of Life together. I am not worried, nor am I seeking reassurance from any who will be reading this. I am good, all is well. I am blessed to have my own wolf pack, and if sometimes I travel as a lone-wolf, it's okay. I know the rest are not far behind, I don't have to hunt alone.
I have learned a lot about myself since my emotional confession over the phone.
Being Lonely is not a Vulnerability.
Neither is sadness, frustration, disappointment, or any other uncomfortable feeling I may have.
My weakness has never been in admitting to the shadows within myself. It has only been in the pretending they were never there in the first place.
In Peace,
Raven
