I have a very dear friend who in his younger days had been a Trappist Monk. I was introduced to him many years later, following his marriage, and having raised four children. In fact I met him not too long after he lost his house and every one of his material possessions in a fire. Its been about 8 years since he rebuilt by his own hands, a beautiful new home, where he now lives, peacefully content with his new life.
Though its not often we see each other, whenever we do, I feel an instant sense of what it must be like to live and walk in Spirit. There are some people in life who seem to glow with an inner Light so powerful and strong, when in their presence you immediately feel a connection to a Faith beyond measure. He definitely is one of them. Always he greets me with a affectionate hug, looks into my eyes and asks, "Are you Living in your Light, are you holding on to your Power?"
Over the years I have often considered his words, In the beginning I would answer yes without much thought. Wondering, what this question meant. Doesn't everybody live in their light....as for holding on to my power, of course. How, or why, would I ever give it away, exactly what was he asking anyways. "Yes," I would tentatively murmur....
"Good," he would respond, "You stay in Your Light, do not ever give away your Power."
After a while it became a standard greeting, sometimes with my volunteering the status of my shiny light and power holding ability, without him even having to ask. Once during a particularly difficult period of my life, I ran into him at a Powwow. This time after our usual greeting and question, I realized there and then what he had been saying all along. "No," I said, I am not in my Light." Without going into details now irrelevant, at the time I felt very defeated, and hopeless. My heart was heavy, I was scared. Living in your Light is easy, when Life is good. Trust, Beauty, Faith, my normal foundation, were hidden under a cloud of my own despair. Standing there, understanding filled my heart, suddenly I knew. Looking back to the days, months and years bringing me to this place, I could see all the different times where I had set my Light aside. Giving the power of my happiness over to someone or something else, letting circumstances build me up, or tear me down, making others responsible for how I felt, allowing fear and negativity to wear at my Spirit. Discovering all along, my power and light were treasures born to me, forever mine, impossible to lose. Unfortunately, easy to set aside.
Giving up myself, or living in darkness was my own illusion.
Once aware, I became mindful of the different situations when I would begin to feel "less than good inside," or wanting to blame others for where my journey was taking me. Realizing its my choice to forgive, my choice to heal, and my choice to move onward when a situation no longer is emotionally healthy. My being happy and feeling peaceful are not dependent on someone else's behavior, its up to me how my days are filled, nobody has control unless I give it to them. Its my decision.
Yes, many things in life are unavoidable, people may not act or treat us the way we feel is right, and some roads are not easy. I don't constantly remember to 'Walk in Beauty' right away. Oftentimes I have to retrace my footsteps, hoping with practice, I will learn to recognize a little sooner when to check the switch on my lantern, or recharge my batteries.
Am I living in my light, am I holding on to my power.
Yes, but not always, I'm working on it every day.
Knowing how it is to live both ways,
as a woman of fine discerning tastes,
I find I greatly prefer the feeling good way.
After all, its my choice.
In Peace,
Raven
