Being Complete under the Night Sky

Its hard not to want to look outside myself for happiness or serenity.  Sometimes I feel like I am restlessly waiting for something..anything...to make me feel complete.  Most of the time I am at peace with where I am ...what I am doing.  I know I am on the right path, I feel good about myself and my life.  There are other times though when I feel almost lost inside.  Late at night I go out onto my deck overlooking the lake, I stand there under the vast night sky feeling part of the whole Universe.   I have the urge to wake up my children so they can share this time with me.  I resist and stand alone, wondering how it would be to have someone by my side sharing these moments.  I have had several close relationships throughout my life, and a marriage of 14 years, so I am not a novice when it comes to togetherness.  Being in a relationship has never really taken away these feelings..its easy to be alone even when surrounded by others, at least it has been with me.  I know the answer lies within rather then without, a lesson I have learned numerous times, yet find myself revisiting often.  These days or nights when I feel this way, once I become awake to the growing emptiness, I know what to do.  I take a deep breath and release all I have been keeping inside, and I wait.  I wait not for someone or something to fill up the vastness of my sorrow, for that in itself is fleeting. No...I wait for my Connection to the Creator of all that Is..my Spirit Essence.. to wrap itself around, and in me, moving timelessly and gracefully through every molecule of my Body, my Soul.  I remain there in the silence of Beauty.  I am Healed.  Life again becomes filled with hope and promise, I stand strong where I am.  Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing, and so is being alone.  Either way I have all I need, I am complete and always will be.

In Peaceful Serenity

~Raven

Past and Present Rain

I love the sounds of rain and always have.  When I lived in California some of my favorite days to go to the beach were on cloudy drizzly ones.  There is something calming and life affirming about being in rain.  Most people remained inside on those days, making the beach a solitary retreat, infinite in its space....just myself, a few spirited adventurers and the gulls. 

I remember even further back when I was at 6th grade camp.  One of the biggest events of the week was when they took you on a full day hike.  Finally the morning arrived for my group and it was pouring outside.  I was shocked when the counselors insisted we were still going.  Our camp leader suited us up in weather gear and out the door we went.  Lucky for me he loved the rain and by the time we returned back to the warmth and dryness of our cabins I was a convert.  I will never forget seeing the woods thru the magic and mystery of splashing water.

Years ago, before blessed with children, I found a German Shepherd somebody abandoned at the reservoir by taking off his collar, leaving him to fend for himself.  I guess they didn't want him anymore, but I sure did.  Immediately inseparable, it was love at first sight.  I took him to the park one early morning and we ran the length of it back and forth in a great downpour, a wild and free moment I will always cherish. We had many fine times together, I named him Wolf Rain Crowfeather.   

These last 4 years of being on my own I have to admit have been all about survival and healing.  Numerous good times were enjoyed, life long friendships established and beautiful memories created.  Nonetheless most of my days were colored by financial worries, keeping my children and I warm, and inevitable homeowner woes.  Within a few short months of being single I began to notice what looked like pieces of roof in my front yard.  "Hmmmmm....maybe that's normal." I would mutter under my breath..."I am sure its no big deal....whats a few tiles here and there,"....this imaginary world I lived in regarding my dying roof helped me thru a few long winters.  However once spring arrived I would have to face the fact much of my roof was on the ground.  Additionally alarming, roofing contractors would stop by unannounced shaking their heads in dismay at its obvious demise.  The sounds of nature soon became a source of stress to me as I hoped and prayed the raindrops I saw slowing accumulating and sliding down my ceiling were a mere illusion.  Warnings of rotting beams and unseen damage concerned me greatly thru the gentle pitter patter.  Cleansing winds also became a natural predator to my peace of mind.  The joy of a stormy day was an imagined dream I once knew, replaced by the ancient code of struggle and survival. 

Finally this spring I was able to get a home loan covering the cost of half my roof, the worse side, and the water heater that had suddenly passed on.  Now my children and I are secure, drip free and enjoying the luxury of hot water.  I realize there will be other financial issues, but for now all is well.  I've since made my apologies to the world of nature.  Rain and I are once again reunited.  I am slowly learning how to walk softly on our earth, day by day on this path of mine.  Accepting times of flying shingles, and remembering the Joy of Running without Care in the Thunderous and Magical Rain.

In All Kinds of Weather

~Raven

Dragons or Why I Homeschool

     Many people question why I homeschool my 3 children.  I have learned to give some very easy and standard answers in reply.  The reality is there were many reasons why I made this choice, and I continue to add to them on a regular basis.  However my main motivation then and now, was based on one crucial and highly important belief I do not often share with others besides my children.  The truth is.....

"I Believe in Dragons and all they Represent." 

      Being creatures of the natural and mystical world they can be found almost anywhere there are trees, rocks or water.  Although there have been unique sightings along back roads and highways of a rare few, quietly resting deep within the shadows of a bridge or an underpass, they are not often seen.  Naturally most are not easy to find as they are meant to be hidden from us mere mortals.  If you pretend not to look too closely and slightly tilt your head just a little to one side, you may be lucky to spot the glint of an eye, the top of a scaley wing (not all have wings), or perhaps even the tip of a long pointed tail.  

From a very young age my children and I have peered out the windows of our car as we traveled all over New England spotting glimpses of these magical creatures. " I see one," my son would yell, "Over there behind the tree!"   The general rule is that a dragon will show itself only to a certain person so no matter how hard one looked, we were unable to see each others dragon.  Dragon finding is a very powerful and personal gift and should not be taken lightly.  I knew if I put my children in school there was a high probability their creative

talent and ability to spot these magnificent creatures might be lost.  This was too much of a price to pay.  Please know I am not critiquing those who have children in the school system, nor am I against public education.  Everybody has their own beliefs and makes choices accordingly.  For myself this is what I have found works best for my family.  

Dragons are available to be seen by everybody.  You just have to be open to the reality of their existence.  They are here ready and willing to bestow upon us the miracle and magical essence of their being.  For as soon as you have caught a glimpse of even one, 

your life will never be the same.  

I believe the great and famous Albert Einstein himself was a Seeker of Dragons, for he was the one who said:

 "Imagination is more important than knowledge. 

 For knowledge is limited to all that we now know and understand,

 while imagination embraces the entire world,

 and all there ever will be to know and understand."

     To all my dear friends I have met~and to those I have yet to meet, 

"The miracle of what seems to be hidden from 

view is most often right in front of us." 

Remember to always keep your eyes and hearts open, 

you will be blessed!  

I Believe in Dragons, and I know they Believe in me too.

In Magical Beauty,

~Raven

Happiness is Timeless

     "Life is Brief and very Fragile, do that which makes you Happy,"

This has always been one of my favorite sayings. Who said it I'm not sure, but I have certainly adopted it as a motto to live by.  I liked it so much when I was in my 20's I made a poster centered around just this sentiment.  Its hanging in a visible place in my home so I can gaze daily upon its wisdom.  Here I am over twenty years later, wondering if perhaps these words have led me astray.  Being happy is something we all want.  To make a decision based upon the fact our very existence is completely vulnerable and may be extinguished long before ready, might not be in our best interest.  Sure this belief works well for those unique moments in life when an instant decision is necessary.  However being a little older and quite a bit wiser, I now think differently. What might seem like the road to happiness may not be what we think it is, and surprisingly some roads end up much happier then what we may have initially thought.  Most importantly there is a core of strength built on Faith, Trust and Love running through the fabric of our lives, providing us with something deeper then concerns of ourselves as being vulnerable and fragile.  I have grown to believe time itself is endless and eternal, a complete circle expanding beyond our imaginations.  With this new  awareness and understanding, I think I will add these words to my poster,

      "Life is Endless and Enduring, Trust in Beauty and you will be Happy."
In Peace
~Raven

Breathing In or Lovely River Boulders

The art of mindfulness for me is something I strive for at all times.  Of course I have to remember this goal of mine TO BE mindful for it to be of benefit.  Being in the moment ~ Breathing in the moment ~ seems to be so easy, but the reality is not always so.  Especially when that moment is not your ideal, or seems to be filled with a multitude of happenings like earlier today for instance.  Right now I am laying in bed with my leg propped up and my foot covered with ice, hoping I did not do any permanent damage to its intricate and delicate bone structure,  caused by the large and very heavy boulder I mistakenly dropped upon it.  I was rearranging the habitat for my bearded dragons (even they must have a cozy home)..... talking with my children... balancing sticks, water dishes and yes boulders... thinking ahead to who knows what... when quite suddenly I was brought immediately back to the present moment when my poor bare foot was crushed by an exceptionally large but lovely river boulder (anything that can't be picked up with one hand is not a rock in case you were wondering).  So now here I am definitely in the moment.  Soft cozy bed, muted sounds of laughing children, barking dogs in the distance (hopefully not mine) and a very sore but numb right foot.  I would like to think I have learned from this momentous occasion, and I am now one step closer to living a more conscious and blissfully aware life. To being mindful of the beauty and sacredness of every moment, to slowing down and directing my energy in a clear and more thoughtful way.  Perhaps next time I find myself in a similar situation...and believe me they are daily... I will remember to make the  peaceful and safer choice of Breathing in the moment, and this way I won't be in any more danger from large but lovely river boulders.  Either that or I should start wearing armor.

Life as a Single Mother or the Joy of Basket Weaving

I love my life being single.  Although there are many times when I am challenged by certain trials, and can feel alone in my struggles, mostly I am at peace and believe us to be blessed.  My heart is filled with gratitude for the beauty of our togetherness.   I have 3 wonderful children whom I home school, we are very happy.  The days and nights flow in and out of each other, all is harmonious, life is good.  Financially we are able to live in a small cozy house on a lake, eat organic foods, travel around New England and enjoy a few special treasures here and there.  I work part time and am able to spend the majority of hours with my children freely exploring and following our hearts.  In the beginning of my singleness we were, I realized, very isolated.  In the coming years I have been able to expand our world one person at a time, creating many close relationships.  My family and I are now an important part of a community where we are welcomed and enjoyed.  I continue to be open to making connections with others as we journey through our life.

This weekend we attended a primitive skills gathering and I was lucky enough to arrive on time to join a few other artsy women in learning how to make a basket made of Ash.  Even though we were all given the same amount of materials no two baskets were alike.  In my mind's eye I had this vision of what my basket would look like...the shape and size it would be, how it would feel in my hands... but as the hours flew by my basket began to take on a life of its own.   At first I was not happy with the rectangular shape it appeared to be evolving into, it was bigger and wider than I had first imagined.  My fingers ached along with my back as I sat there weaving the pieces in and out.  Several times I was helped by others, including the expert basket weaver himself as many of the steps were complicated and my fingers not strong enough.  I had to ask a kind friend of mine to help make the rim from a sapling we had cut down nearby.   This step alone took several sharp tools and quite a bit of time as he carefully cut it to the thickness and length I needed.  I had no idea the many hours it would take to finish this work of art.  It was not until the next day as everybody was packing up to leave did I finally have my completed masterpiece in hand.  Laughter, love, kindness, patience and determination were definitely part of its design.  In the end my basket was a somewhat unique roundish rectangular shape, just the right size for my treasures.  Although it had several imperfect areas if you cared to look, I was very pleased with how it turned out,  I wouldn't have changed a thing about it and was amazed I was able to create such a lovely basket.  Every time I look at it I am reminded that although I made it by myself, from beginning to end were many other hands besides mine in its creation.  To me this is its ultimate beauty, mirroring the texture of my walk through life.  My basket reminds me I can relax and allow myself to be woven into the being of grace I am meant to be, with the love and support of those around me.  Being single, simply means I am not alone.

In Creative Beauty

~Raven