A beautiful evening. Looks and feels to be almost a full moon. When I lived in Mission Beach, California these were the nights my friends and I would be out restlessly prowling the boardwalk, sitting around a bonfire, swimming in the crashing waves, and most likely getting ourselves into some kind of adventurous trouble.
More than twenty years later I look back, almost a lifetime ago, and wonder at the strangeness of it all. How funny to think I believed I would be a changed person when I was all grown up. As a young adult looking forward in time I would try to imagine how I would be when I was older. I wasn't even close. The vision I conjured up bore not the slightest resemblance to the woman I am today. Expecting to be different, only to discover myself unrecognizable, because I am the same.
I haven't changed at all.
I haven't changed at all.
Of course my life has altered in many obvious ways. Outwardly a lot has transformed, and not just my physical appearance. My responsibilities, choices, and attitudes have all undergone a major shift. In many ways its true, I have been remade. Life has a way of reshaping and molding us, smoothing out the rough edges, wearing us thin in a few places, hardening and increasing our strength where needed. Fired in the kiln of our life experiences, our colors burnished to reveal the hidden depths and intensities within, vibrant and individually unique. How far away under my skin lies the girl I used to be. Truthfully a lot closer then I once believed. I'm still me, just more. More confident, wiser, calmer, smarter, happier, more alive.
I often marvel at how I continue to face issues I thought to have overcome by now. Who would have known my perceived weaknesses would follow me thru life, taking me from one story to the next, fine tuning me in ways I assumed were no longer needed. Thinking I would have graduated to another level, I find myself reliving more of my past lessons. Sometimes appearing to be new, only to realize I have faced something similar when I was in first grade, highschool, my marriage, or just last week. Each time, redefining and shaping who I was minutes before, not so much altering but evolving my inner being.
I have learned, in living we don't become someone entirely different, separated from all that is familiar. In the big picture of Life, we are all connected, so why would it be any different within ourselves. I believe the same young girl, teenager, woman stare back at me as I face myself in the mirror each day, and thankfully will continue to do so as the years pass by. As we travel on this wonderful journey, we take along with us the whole of who we are now, our yesterdays, our tomorrows, along with the secrets of our first beginnings. In my entirety, I am complete.
Who I will be as an elder woman, will be exactly who I am now,
only more.
I often marvel at how I continue to face issues I thought to have overcome by now. Who would have known my perceived weaknesses would follow me thru life, taking me from one story to the next, fine tuning me in ways I assumed were no longer needed. Thinking I would have graduated to another level, I find myself reliving more of my past lessons. Sometimes appearing to be new, only to realize I have faced something similar when I was in first grade, highschool, my marriage, or just last week. Each time, redefining and shaping who I was minutes before, not so much altering but evolving my inner being.
I have learned, in living we don't become someone entirely different, separated from all that is familiar. In the big picture of Life, we are all connected, so why would it be any different within ourselves. I believe the same young girl, teenager, woman stare back at me as I face myself in the mirror each day, and thankfully will continue to do so as the years pass by. As we travel on this wonderful journey, we take along with us the whole of who we are now, our yesterdays, our tomorrows, along with the secrets of our first beginnings. In my entirety, I am complete.
Who I will be as an elder woman, will be exactly who I am now,
only more.
