Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Little Girl and The Fedora


     This is a true story of what happened to me when I was a little girl.  I do not tell many people because of its sensitive nature, but since I have entered this world of expressing myself I believe I am ready to share.  It all started when I was very small, probably around the age of five.  I awoke early one morning, with the hopes of watching some exciting Saturday cartoons and tiptoed quietly out into the hall of my home in Santa Monica, California.  Leaning casually against a wall, wearing a long black overcoat and a Fedora style hat placed low and slightly tilted across his head, was a Spirit Man.  Some people may use the word ghost, but in this scenario it seems almost too commonplace for what I saw standing before me.  Even at my young age I recognized the fact that he wasn't fully there, more like an impression or memory of his Earth-Bound self.  To this day his image is firmly engraved in my memory along with a certain warm feeling of familiarity.  He seemed to be waiting for someone, and I assumed... I believe correctly.... that it was me.  I couldn't see his facial features clearly but I knew we both recognized in each other a kindred spirit.  Time stood still in this misty dreamlike moment, unable to feel anything but a sense of deep awe and surprise I did nothing but stand there memorizing his every detail.  I was never scared,  however the mystery and unknowing soon became too much for my small self to handle and back to bed I ran.   I stayed cleverly hidden, huddled beneath the cocoon of my blankets until sounds of Bugs Bunny and the smells of a delicious breakfast filled the air.  Later my mother greeted this news with a nonchalance I wasn't expecting, and soon the issue seemed to be dropped as a main topic, but I never really forget. 
      This happening by itself may not appear strange to many people, sighting of ghosts or spirits have been around since the beginning of man.  I am sure many of my ancestors had their own experiences of this strange and mystical world.  I would even think that as people who lived so closely connected to the rhythms of Nature and Earth, these sightings may not have been as startling as they might be to someone living now in our modern society of concrete and technology.  
     I bring this first occurrence up because I believe it is strongly connected to the main part of my story which happened a few years later.  One of my favorite past times back then was to play with a tape recorder acting as a newspaper reporter.  I would lay there in the solitary world of my room creating all different kinds of stories of investigations, interviewing imaginary people I would pretend to meet on the street.  On this day in particular I was having an especially fine time when my mother called me to come for lunch.  Leaving my recorder on my bed I ran to grab my sandwich (I even remember the pickle on the side), bringing it quickly back to my room to listen to my clever ramblings while I ate.   The recording started off fine at first, but after a few minutes my words were abruptly cut off and a certain distant whooshing sound of quiet breathing became apparent.  No longer was my young clear voice heard, instead there was a man's voice, slightly distorted, with the words drawn out almost in an exaggerated way.  "Donnnnnaaaaa, I missssss youuuuuu, Please come home.....Donnnaaaaa, I love you......commmmeee hommmeeeeeeee..."  More whooshing sounds and then once again, "Donnnnnaaaa Pleassseeeee...," fading off into a distant and erie silence. My childish banter suddenly returned as if there had never been an interruption, startling me back into a sort of stunned awareness.   My mother this time was not able to hide her feelings behind a calm facade, for we were all deeply affected.  For those who may be skeptical, my father was off to work that day and both my sisters and brother were too young to create a deception such as this.  Returning quickly to my room took no more then a few minutes, and I believe no other explanations were to be found.   I had this tape for about 2 years and even took it to school one day for show and tell.  I recall the shocked look on my teacher's face when she first listened to my message from beyond, once heard the authenticity was hard to deny. 
 I can clearly summon up the day I found my fresh baby sister sitting in the middle of the floor wrapped  head to toe with the remains of the destroyed cassette tape.  Apparently I was not meant
 to keep it forever. 
 I have wondered over the years what has become of my Spirit Man, I have not seen or heard from him since, at least not in any obvious way.  Perhaps he quietly visits me sometimes from the shadows in the line between worlds, and I unaware, go about my days wondering why it is that I feel surrounded by a loving protection.  One day I shall be able to ask him  just what we meant to each other.  Until then I am content, forever grateful for this miraculous gift, for it opened my eyes at a very young age to the breathless wonder and sacredness of our heart connections.   Reaching out across the barriers of Time and Space, beyond our perceived boundaries of Life or Death, it appears to be absolutely true that
 Love really is both Limitless and Eternal.